if you ever feel left out just remember that you weren’t the fifth gryffindor guy in the marauders’ dormitory
I don’t know if the timeline works even a little bit but my headcanon was always that that fifth dude was Kingsley Shacklebolt and that he immediately made a conscious decision to stay the hell away from whatever those four idiots were up to and everyone was like “Yeah, good kid, studies hard, probably gonna be Minister one day if he manages to last his entire school career without committing four murders”.
Kingley Shacklebolt is probably the best roommate ever. The reason he never gets mentioned as the fifth is because he doesn’t ask questions. The other five start disappearing all night every full moon during fifth year? He doesn’t care and doesn’t want to know. Walked in to find Sirius talking to a fucking deer in the dorm like it was James? Just keep moving and don’t make eye contact. James, Sirius and Peter leaving shit all over the floor? Combine forces with Remus to politely yet firmly remind them that we’re not living in a goddamn barn and your dirty underwear shouldn’t spend three weeks straight on the floor James.
Kingsley was, naturally, invited to the Potter-Evans wedding. The invitation was accompanied with a formal apology for the Everything, signed by the Marauders. Enclosed was a little trophy, with the plaque reading ‘best roomie ever’
It may or may not permanently live on his mantle. Kingsley Shacklebolt does not inform Harry Potter of any of this. He has enough people that knew his parents, Kingsley’s not going to make it weird. Keep moving and don’t make eye contact. Besides, he already gave copies of all his pictures of them to Hagrid to go into a photo album for Harry back in first year.
New PETA ad looks like two guys had a threesome with a chicken and she completely blew their minds.
“we must never speak of this”
I legitimately have no idea what this ad was otherwise trying to convey
like seriously I know that they’re utterly stupid in every way but what even the hell
“WE CAN’T FUCK, IT’S BACK”
“Just
just ask her to leave”
“SHE’S LOOKING RIGHT AT ME OH GOD SHE’S LOOKING RIGHT AT ME”
“I’m scared”
“Your scared?
I’M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW”
“Just lay still
Maybe if it thinks we’re asleep it will leave”
It wouldn’t be a problem if that chicken was cooked.
Just saying.
One of the guys adopted a chicken and it’s gotten attached to him. it follows him everywhere which wasn’t a problem until they left the bedroom door open. They’re i nthe middle of foreplay when there’s a clucking sound and they look down to find the chicken at the end of the bed watching them.
favorite homestuck thing #54798: jade with canine features additional to her ears, like cheek fluff + sharp teeth + paw pads + a tail (and lots of body hair, like a werewolf)
