modern AU where Harry Potter is a member of some other subculture before learning he was a wizard, and the views of this subculture plus seeing the awesome and ignored power of the Time Turner are what prompt him to declare he’ll “fix” the magical world in line with the views of his subculture
Potter streamed Super Metroid and Ocarina of Time on Twitch.
Harry Potter and the Methods of Speedrunning
“Now, the Chamber of Secrets is only supposed to open for the Heir of Slytherin. But as it turns out, if you block the basilisk’s path out while you’re still in i-frames from the Bloody Baron, the magic just gets very confused,” he said, sprinting through the dungeon, repeatedly aiming his wand up and down.
my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”
i googled this bc i desperately wanted this to be real, and guess what…it is.
the dude’s name was su dongpo (also known as su shi). his original poem went like this:
稽首天中天,
毫光照大千,
八風吹不動,
端坐紫金蓮
(Humbly bowed my head below all skies Minutest lights shine through my deepest bounds Immovable by strong winds from eight sides Upon purplish gold lotus I seated straightly by the low mound) (x)
on which his friend wrote “放屁” (fart, literally), and you know the rest.
this is even funnier because just writing “fart” out of the blue sounds really stupid and random in english, but in chinese, fart (fang pi) is used as a common reply to, well, people talking out of their ass. kind of like how we’d use “bullshit” in context.