Do you think Jesus ever got many carpenter requests after he started preaching? Like did anyone ever go up to him and be like; “My Lord! My Lord!” And the disciples are all: “The Master won’t do anymore miracles today.” But obviously Jesus is like; “Yes, my child?” And they just ask what his basic rate is to fix their door.
No one talks enough about the fact that Jesus had a day job.
He repaired the relationship between humanity and god, he also repaired the table in his friend Mary’s house cuz it wobbled too much.
“Jesus!”
“How can I help you my child?”
“So the Chair I got from you and your dad is great, but I tripped over it and it broke, I was hoping you could fix it?”
“Go home and be at peace, your chair is fixed.”
“Lord, did you really just use a miracle to fix his chair?”
gonna quit my job and move to some random town and open up an ice cream parlor called I SCREAM and it’s only open from dusk til dawn and the flavors are all spooky names like MONSTER MASH MANGO and BLOODY ORANGE and ROTTING CORPSES & CREAM and EXISTENTIAL DREAD and i’ll only be seen at night except for occasional daytime appearances where i wear dark sunglasses and long flowing coats and people will ask me what my favorite flavor is and i’ll say “oh no, i don’t actually partake in…eating…” and they’ll all think i’m a vampire but i’m really just lactose intolerant.
i was shopping at cvs today and all of a sudden the cashier comes over the intercom and goes, “uh, can i get a supervisor to the front? donna or liam, because of—like, it’s…” and there’s this super long pause, no music or anything, just silence. and then he comes back on and says very quickly, “donna please come to the front i made something catch fire.” and i just
the autism mood of never knowing when its “your turn” in a convo so you say the first word of your sentence about 5 times before you actually get to speak
the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not
you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot
and to feed them french fries like they’re a horse eating carrots
