beedle absolutely fucks. he’s himbo material. a goddamn dumbass for staking his entire livelyhood on an airship hes gotta keep pedaling to stay afloat. With all that workout hes gotta be thicc as hell
Ya know what’s kinda cool about Dr.Doofenschmirtz? NONE of his tragic backstories had ANYTHING to do with his ex-wife Charlene.
Because let’s get real here, Heinz had it out for a LOT of people who screwed him over, from Hot Dog salesmen, to baking soda volcanoes, yet in NO episode in the series did he ever say ANYTHING negative or acrimonious about his ex-wife. Never tried to screw her over, never battled her for more custody of Vanessa, he respected her dearly and never saw her as an antagonist, just someone he grew apart from emotionally. GRANTED he still bled her dry with alimony checks, but hey she’s loaded and she didn’t seem to mind.
Like, once or twice they reference reasons they didn’t get along and he sometimes references her meanly in songs (mostly just to get a rhyme) but they’re generally both totally cool with each other. Like, they have a very amicable relationship for exes and I think that was good to portray on a kids’ show, doubly so because Heinz is often an unreasonably petty man and yet Charlene is never someone he feels “wronged” him (as compared to, say, the girl who bullied him in Gimmelschtump as a form of flirting or the woman who left him for a whale). Like, the most he’s done with lightly bicker with her about picking up their daughter when he’d planned to do something else.
And this pretty much HAD to be a conscious choice by the writers. Like, Heinz goes after almost everyone at some point and him not going after his ex was clearly something they made their minds up on.
Sorry but thems the breaks. In his gerudo form, he spent his life hunting the triforce, studying magic and trying to stop link. he didnt have the time. Where was he gonna get puss or be pegged? in the sacred realm? the only one there is rarues crusty old man schlong. and then when he broke free he was spent is time raising a bird to steal people.
in the kid timeline he got hunted down and exiled to the twilight realm where he became a giant floating magical flaming head. As much as zant offered theres no way for ganon to fuck
and dont get me started on the downfall timeline. he was brooding in his tower with the full triforce and nary a puss in sight. he had to disguise himself as some jackass wizard just to go to the grocery store in the light world.
