fairy godmother was singing her iconic cover of “i need a hero” during this scene, “livin’ la vida loca” wasn’t performed by puss in boots and donkey until the end of the movie
literally check yourself before you wreck yourself
shrek yourself before you wreck yourself
A. The song title you are looking for is “Holding Out for a Hero” which is a song by Bonnie Tyler, but performed in this film by the incomparable Jennifer Saunders (of AbFab fame).
B. Mongo had a featured line during “Livin’ la Vida Loca”, which he sang from his final resting place in the moat, meaning that it is completely fair to assume that someone would associate the song with his dying moments.
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out
This just keeps getting better
I fucking love history.
ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.
Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.
I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang
I’ll never be able to reconcile Shel Silverstein’s art and stories with his appearance. He looked like he would gladly murder you with a shard of broken glass and then throw your body directly into a shark.
you have odd notions about masculine faces.
real gentle-lookin’ sneer
really gentle looking when not say, in the grainiest over inked newspaper photo you could find.
buddy it’s literally the photo he put on the back of The Giving Tree
alittlebananaz asked: I disagree about your opinion on Pewdie. Making offensive statements and calling them jokes afterwards does not lessen the impact of what he said. In fact, it only serves to normalize the language. I hope he learns and reigns it in, but I'm not sure he should be given a public platform if the trauma of others is funny to him. That type of attitude is absolutely anti-Semitic.
Hey there! Thanks for giving me a chance to clarify things - I know this is a crazy topic right now, but I definitely wanna make this clear.
I agree with you 100% - saying something so offensive, then calling it a joke, does NOT lessen the impact of what Felix said, nor does it excuse him. I absolutely wish he had never made such jokes, especially knowing how HUGE of an audience he has.
What makes me feel hopeful about him is that he DID apologize for his comments, and he did so BEFORE losing his show and advertising.
And yes, I think it’s fair that he lost the show. Say what you will about Youtube and Friends, but they are a big ol’ corporation now, and if someone says offensive stuff (especially while having the MOST subscribers of any Youtuber out there), they should be held accountable and suffer consequences. That’s just how the professional world works - you don’t get to use someone else’s platform to say anything willy-nilly, ESPECIALLY anti-Semetic jokes!
The point I’m trying to make is that… despite making such “jokes”, I don’t think Felix has a hateful agenda against the Jewish community. Yes, what he said was HORRIBLE, but he was ignorant to the impact it would have. He was irresponsible, and now he’s having to answer for that.
Should he have reigned it in long before this circus? I definitely think so! I wish he did! But that was his choice, and he’s paying the consequences for it.
If he CONTINUES to act this way after such a massive fallout, then yes, absolutely, he’s not learned a thing and really needs to step away from the public platform to think things over. But he has every chance to turn over a new leaf, and while he’s blown many chances before, if he takes THIS one, then that would be worth celebrating!
I guess the overall point I was trying to make is that it’s unwise to listen only to one side of the story. Some people truly believe in ethnic cleansing - others try to make jokes out of hot topics without thinking ahead. We need to stand up for people who live in genuine fear, fighting those who honestly wish them harm, while staying informed of the facts. If we don’t stay informed, all we do is try to out-scream the other one without moving forward.
So before anyone goes off to rant, please look up the facts, not just the sensationalist headlines. Clickbait is a very real issue in online media, and without exercising caution, we would become just as bad as certain Dampnuts, reacting without accepting the facts.
Not to mention on the video, he admitted he went too far and only did it because he thought they wouldn’t do it. Now that doesn’t excuse what he did, he’s still a grade A asshole. But he’s not a nazi.
Reblog if you want a “why are you so…” in your ask.
