so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
- “I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
- “You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
- “You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
In cars two at the airport the cars have to go through tsa checks and take off their wheels and stuff which implies the cars Universe had a 9/11
Wait. Oh my god. But planes are sentient in the cars universe. Did cars hijack the plane or did the planes fly themselves.
Nobody knows
Buddy they have car pope. A car jesus died on a car cross and we’re worried if car bush did car 9/11
they also had a car WWII meaning they probably had a car great war.
Ageing slows the greater your impact on history. Washington, Churchill, and Lincoln live well into their 200s, while figures such as Julius Caesar live for close to a thousand years. It is your 5000th birthday, and you look as young as you did on your 21st.
I walk outside and to a massive crowd cheering me on. “Happy 5000th to the creator of Meet n’ Fuck games” reads a giant banner.
a 30,000 year old minecraft youtuber hurls a javelin through your chest
Humanity has been extinct for millenia, but their impact is known across the universe. Their cities, landmarks, and statues strewn across nearly every planet in nearly every galaxy. The next to follow their footsteps do so with religious ferver, recording in exact detail the first before them. Almost half of their technology stems from learned human history. Their reverence for humanity’s history and knowledge leads them to pursue every last ounce. Finally, in a quiet planet in the middle of the universe, they find the last remnant of humanity, not lost to the abyss of time. Shockingly, he still lives. A tepid explorer walks forward, approaching what he belives is a god before him, and with a shaky grasp of English, greets themself.
The human does as well, then offers the group a deal on a remaster of “Skyrim”
