memeufacturing:

i want to punch whoever said “kill two birds with one stone”. how about you kill no birds asshole. how about you leave birds alone you piece of shit

tippingvelvets:

my clearest memory from high school is my best friend asking if i’d brought gym clothes and me asking “who the fuck is jim”

rosexknight:

gay-compass:

siinbaba:

gatopaint:

Relatable af

@cheatvoid

@ladynanabird @mdragonflame @rosexknight

@dracini

shinyrowletts:

I’M DYING

mossandrock:

dimedog:

“I wish I had the time to do that.”

- me, a person who definitely has the time to do that but also has terrible time management skills and most likely to just spend 4 hours getting absolutely nothing accomplished instead of the hundred other things I could and should be doing

I feel personally attacked by the accuracy of this post.

big-boss-official:

big boss, 1972: I can’t possibly handle the pressure of having 2 kind of-sons. I need to run away and force a new man to take my identity. 

venom snake, 1984: I have hundreds of sons. one is a dog. one is named fat platypus. i sent one out to sea on a lifeboat.

whiskey-and-c41:

fem-me-fatale:

highkey-melanin:

thehijabstylist:

I knew she had a degree but didn’t know she was the most educated First Lady.

this needs to be on everyone’s dash…

Michelle was actually Baracks political advisor that’s how they met, I personally believe she should’ve been president herself

Michelle Obama 2020