Silver Tongue

eponinejosette:

justapassingstranger:

slimerat5:

soulsoaker:

turing-tested:

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

  • socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
  • climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
  • crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell 
  • the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
  • do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer

test around ur house to see what places make more noises than others when people are gone if you can

-stepping using the outside line of your foot as first contact minimizes the sound of ur step significantly,

-tippy toes are a thing for a reason, but putting all ur weight on one spot tends to get loud quickly. Using the above method in conjunction with keeping the majority of ur weight on the balls of ur feet (vs just ur toes) can make u silent on all but the creakiest of floors.

-test ur socks before hand. Some slide or make more noise than others, and falling could be catastrophic.

-wear close fitting, soft cotton clothing. Denim and silk like clothes will make noise whatever you do, and limiting excess folds limits the sounds they make

-note where the shadows fall naturally at night, and all the small places you can hide on short notice. Ambient light is inevitable in urban areas, and keeping still in a small dark space will decrease the risk of being seen. Remember, the eyes is attracted to motion. Stay still, and with appropriate camouflage (i.e. couch arm rest covers, throw pillows, blankets) their eyes will pass right over you

-use ambient sounds to cover any sounds you might make. The sounds of the fan, air conditioner, heater, or radiator will go a long way to cover any flubs

-if you need to escape more permanently, prep squeaky doors before hand by unlocking and opening them to the point the don’t squeak or with a can of wd40, and double check that no doors are latched before you try to escape. These sounds, more than anything else, will wake people up.

-make your escape path beforehand, and stash what you need to take as close to ur exit as possible. This way, you’ll make less sound and not be red handed if u end up being caught

I used a lot of these to get food from the kitchen when my mom rehoused to let me eat. This is so important. Share this, it could be the difference between whether someone eats today

formvoltronbitch:

Ok guys sorry, canonical ages confirmed. Shiro is 23, Lance is 17, Allura is in her altean 1000 years teens, Pidge is 5, Keith ages as cats do, so he is technically 2, and Hunk is an ethereal non-organic being that has no begining nor end. That’s it. There’s no safe ship, everything is unshippable, we all are problematic and need to stop and also kill ourselves, all hail Zoran, the only safe ship.

To The eBayer that keeps outbidding me

bilboo:

when your husband won’t share his strategy with you anymore, much less a bed:

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when your husband has a statue and you’ll be using it to mock him for the rest of your days:

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when you kinda wish it weren’t against regulations to sleep dart your fellow officers to stop their marital bickering:

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when things are getting dicey and all three of your parents are busy arguing:

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astrangertomykin:
“ jewishgf:
“ This is the meme content I like to see
”
let me tell u something chefs love memes about how a kitchen works and this one caused my entire kitchen to riot and my head chef sent it to all the area chefs in the company
”

astrangertomykin:

jewishgf:

This is the meme content I like to see

let me tell u something chefs love memes about how a kitchen works and this one caused my entire kitchen to riot and my head chef sent it to all the area chefs in the company

unclefather:

becketts:

that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her

He checked her pulse

saines:
“nooooodle
”

saines:

nooooodle

duaneadeliers:

bubblrfamous:

“you cant judge a book by its cover”

yes

image

i think you can

The girl depicted bludgeons someone to death with her own severed arm in that book. 

she also gets cut in half and creates duplicates who get electrocuted and slammed together at particle accelerator speeds. by their semipotent robot dog friend in that book

should you read homestuck?

candoaltitude:

have you ever wished harry potter had more memes? is your favorite part of video games the sound design? are you fascinated by mysterious internet cryptids? do you yearn for the day that will smith is recognized as an important pop culture icon? do you wish you were more comfortable with writing in the second person point of view or verbs that start with the letter a? do you have a lot of free time?