bogleech:

alexandot:

sleep paralysis is honestly the most bullshit part of being a living thing. sometimes my brain just occasionally screws up and goes ????? uhhhh . cant move.  here’s a demon 

hey I can’t get our arms and legs to work but I got you these screaming heads if that’ll help

ithinkitsallama:

hi human

you are friend

i like you smile

smile human smile i love you

yourplayersaidwhat:

pretty standard opening, you awaken in a dark room..

Lorian: roll a spot check

DM: you see that the room you are in is a cell

Steve (a mage): also roll a spot check

DM: you see that you are also in a cell

Me, Siv (a lazy mercenary): I roll to go back to sleep

DM: really.?. fine. you go back to sleep

Ian Cognito (a halfling): I pull up my pants *rolls a nat20*

DM: …you pull up your pants so far that they fuse to your body. you’ll never need to pull up your pants again nor will you be able to remove them. your life as a walking talking wedgie begins now

freutsch:

I love Internet grammar I love how “you what mate” is an incredulous question but “u wot m8” is an invitation to fight I love how straight people are different to Straight People I love how smol is so much smaller than small I live how thiS, tHIS and THIS are all different in my mind i luv how dis spelling make sarcasm I love how haha, lol and lmao are completely different emotions I love how….. This…. Makes everything… So much more dramatic???? Tone is so hard to convey in writing u go lil buddies you go

language is forever evolving.

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

good responses to being stabbed with a sword (part 2)

• oh no i’m allergic
  
• it sword of seems like you’ve got a problem with me
• laughter. not the word “laughter”, just. laughing
• sure it’s the thought that counts and i appreciate the sentiment but does this gift come with a receipt
• you wound me. literally. you just. actually wounded me. that thing is really sharp. so you. don’t even look at me like that they can’t all be winners
• wouldn’t it have been hilarious if i just flew back like balloons do when you pop ‘em? can you even imagine? god. just. do it again, pretend the first time didn’t happen. come on. please

honorable mentions

• grabbing the sword by the blade, pulling it out, handing it back to them and saying “you dropped this”
  
• that’s unfortunate
• it could be worse
• this isn’t really how i pictured my day going when i woke up this morning, but who am i to complain

celestial-sytry:

*reposts thing to Tumblr*

superior-grandtheftauto-tune:

superior-grandtheftauto-tune:

That time Samurai Jack almost fucked the dull shit out of Aku.

pax-britannica:

writing-prompt-s:

Tired of being mocked, hundreds of village idiots band together to make their own village.

yourplayersaidwhat:

Our druid just received this unknown magical egg from a street salesman.

Druid: “How long til it hatches??”

DM: “Roll to find out”

Druid: *Rolls a 1*

DM: “You got too excited and crushed the egg”

Druid to our party: “WHO WANTS OMELETS?!”