Due to the well of my friends’ “def not an axe murderer” date recommendations drying up, I have turned to that most sacred of modern relationship institutions: online dating. As a very busy person trying to get it in with other very busy people, I prize honestly and directness above all else when it comes to profile creation. I include full body shots in my photos, try to minimize the use of MySpace angles in selfies, and write at the very top of the summary/caption/profile that I am fat. Not “curvy,” not “thick,” not “lots to love”–I’m f*cking fat. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also known that weight is a dealbreaker for lots of people. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
About a year ago I met “Evan” via Tinder. We exchanged friendly messages for a few hours one night and agreed to meet up for drinks the following evening. I waited for a full hour past the designated time, and just as I was getting up to leave, the texts started rolling in.
“I can see you sweating from here.” “How long does it take you to roll out of bed every morning?” “Is there an earthquake or are you just getting up for more pretzels?”
Really idiotic, juvenile shit. Four separate numbers, commenting on things like my clothes, which clued me in that the senders were nearby. This went on for 15 minutes before I finally saw Evan, trying to hide in at a corner table and giggling with a group of buddies. I made eye contact, saw that he saw me, and then walked out. The texts kept up until I blocked the numbers a few hours later.
I ran into Evan about 3 weeks later. We got on the same elevator, and he tried really hard at being super interested in the emergency phone instructions. I just confronted him, and he admitted it was just some “game” that him and his friends play. He knew I was fat before agreeing to meet up; they all did, because that’s what they do. Match up with fat women, then either ghost them or “troll” them at the meet-up. It was also kinda obvious he’d never seen any consequences from this bullshit, as he was sweating pretty hard and looked more humiliated than I felt. I just said whatever and walked out, expecting to never see him again.
About a month ago, some local foodie wrote a great review of the restaurant I own, and we’ve been slammed ever since. In the past, I stayed mostly in the kitchen, but I’ve been doing more and more front-of-house stuff lately, and Valentine’s Day I was working a bit of a split between the two.
I saw Evan just as he was pushing in his date’s chair. My name isn’t on the restaurant, and he didn’t see me. I checked the section up at the hostess stand and saw that one of my favorite old-timers, Nan, was going to be his waitress. I went to the bar till, took out $400, put it in her hands, and said, “This is going to be your only table for the rest of the night. You are going to make this the worst date he has ever been on.”
She spilled every single thing she brought out to the table, all over him. I was waiting for him to blow up on Nan, but he bottled it up, obviously trying to make a good impression on his date. She seemed like a perfectly lovely lady; I told Nan to make sure everything was good for her and terrible for Evan.
She poured ice water on his d*ck. She smacked the back of his head with the edge of a tray. Spilled soup on his shirt. Dropped every fork he asked for. I personally oversalted his food, used the shit liquor for his drinks, used flour instead of sugar on his dessert. To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t just walk out. He must have really wanted to f*ck this woman.
Finally, he cracked. Demanded Nan find the manager and bring her out. I was only too happy to emerge from the kitchen with my chef’s coat and say what, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’d been planning out all night.
“I would have said hi earlier, but I didn’t want the earthquake to disturb your dinner.”
I will savor the look on Evan’s face for the rest of my life.
He was a little too flummoxed to explain, so I pulled a chair up to the table and introduced myself to his date, Amanda. Told her how I met Evan. Showed her some fun old messages. Then I told gave her a voucher for a free meal on her next visit and told Evan to get the f*ck out and never come back.
Please for the love of all that is holy DO NOT USE THIS TO PERSONALIZE YOUR TUMBLR. It’s covered in adware and every single time I click onto someone’s tumblr who has it I have to run my spybot and then it catches a bunch of stuff and in one case one of these addresses downloaded an adware program onto my computer that prevented me from hitting back on my browser and had loud popup ads now and then and annoying blue hyperlinks everywhere. It took several hours of my time to remove the darn thing from my computer completely.
“But I can have a cool personalized name with .co .vu!” Yeah, you know why? Because most people don’t use it so names aren’t taken. Why?
Because it’s covered in adware and spyware.
If you respect your followers AT ALL do not use this. Please.
This is actually a really fascinating scam.
So, you know how how “co.[country abbreviation]” is commonly used to signify that a site is from some country? For example, “amazon.co.jp” is the Japanese version of Amazon dot com.
The people selling “co.vu” sites want you to think that that’s what’s going on–that you’re getting nice good web addresses from Vanuatu.
But what’s actually happening is that they publish your sites as a subdomain of a site called “co” that is in Vanuatu.
In other words:
In the url “http://amielleon.tumblr.com”, “amielleon” is the subdomain, “tumblr” is the actual site, and “com” tells me that it’s a commercial site and probably from America.
In the url “http://mytrashyotp.co.vu”, “mytrashyotp” is the subdomain, “co” is the actual site, and “vu” indicates it’s from Vanuatu. But they WANT you to think that “mytrashyotp” is the site, and “co.vu” indicates that it’s a commercial site from Vanuatu.
What are they getting out of this? The ability to throw shit on top of your blog (like adware) and also leech off your content for search engine rankings.
(Source: I based this post off of this blog post which is somewhat more technical in nature.)
Guys this is actually true ;;; it’s been happening to me quite a lot and I’ve had so many pop ups and ads everywhere. I get programs that I’ve never installed plus it can cause real harm to your PC. I seriously suggest to not use a co.vu domain for the sake of your mutuals & followers !!!
Lately my dog has been smacking people in the face and arms when they pet her and I was like “what the fuck we are just giving you affection” and so I went and googled it
She’s trying to pet us back . She likes to be pet so much and is trying to return the favour but can’t She is so good and pure I love her so much
I am Silver Tongue, I am an artist. I have many characters and you can check out my art in the art tag. I occasionally practice witchcraft though I don't do anything too complicated. I am girl 2 and don't know what else to put here.
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