aphtoncorbin:

I have some good news! Time to set some new goals

justplainsimon:

goat-gayy:

pull the trigger, children

The “i watched myself die” trio makes a return

rangerkiwi:

askrenardfoxx:

“Did hurt like the devil”

“Well sure it did, there was a sizeable d*** in your your a***. I’d call that savage!”

This kills me XD

IM SCREAMING

dangerbooze:

eric-coldfire:

lehrastar:

wetwareproblem:

hoku-san:

albawrites:

absentlyabbie:

wolvensnothere:

poppypicklesticks:

darkslover:

barnabasdeimos:

muchymozzarella:

twostriptechnicolor:

kane52630:

Baby-Doll
Batman: The Animated Series

This is one criminally underrated Batman villain.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH SHE WAS MY FAVORITE BATMAN VILLAIN

Her physical condition didn’t allow her to age

No one took her seriously as an actress

And even when she was trying to get into a happy romantic relationship (albeit with another villain) he still couldn’t take her seriously as a consenting, sexually active and romantically interested adult

That’s a lot of blows to someone’s psyche 

and Babydoll is both a sympathetic villain and a formidable one

I remember this episode fucked me up a a kid. 

And man, do I wish we could see this Batman again: the Batman that consoles his villains, because the majority (if not all) of them are mentally ill people. And Batman knows this and wants them healthy again, not punished and GOD definitely not dead.

Baby Doll is so underrated as a Batman villain 

but her episode was perfect 

Batman: The Animated Series

The story of one fucked up, traumatized little boy, doing his best to help other fucked up traumatized people.

#this show is the only batcanon that matters to me #dc can burn everything else down but they’ll never pry the dcau from cold dead clawed hands

The Batman that cares about the inmates is my favorite. He doesn’t put up with their shit, but he does try to reach out here and there and he’s as human as he can be to them.

When Harley was re-institutionalized, he got her that dress she wanted.

In the comics based on B:tAS, there was a time during Christmas that there was snow and it was Mr. Freeze’s fault, and he was making it snow because Christmas was his anniversary with Nora and she LOVED it when it snowed on Christmas, so Batman let him finish mourning before calmly taking him back to Arkham.

He never, ever gives up on Harvey possibly recovering.

Sure, Batman is going to throw punches and do what it takes to take these guys down when they’re hurting or threatening people. And he’s not going be a complete bleeding heart; he has to protect the innocent. He’s going to take them down and take them back to Arkham, but it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being a bit human to the ones who deserve it.

Batman needs become human again

Because it needs to be here:

image

image

Remember that time a young girl with near god-like psychic powers threatened to destroy reality and the only one that could stop her was Batman because he had a previous encounter with her and was tasked with killing her to restore reality.

But instead, Batman sat with her on a swing and kept her company as the girl’s psychic powers slowly killed her.

No?

image

Originally posted by call-me-whale

shirolovesyoubaby:

justlookatthosesausages:

invisiblespork:

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited. 

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright? 

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’ 

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

@bramble9

xetl:
“ alright this is one of the best ones so far
”

xetl:

alright this is one of the best ones so far

hogwartsaheadcanon:

beautyandthepriest:

concept: instead of hedwig, Harry goes into the pet store and this little snake in the back of the store talks to him, obviously gets his attention more than the other animals, and harry feels sorry for it so he takes it home. Then the snake helps Harry throughout his years at hogwarts as harry carries it wrapped around his hand all like “pssssst, haaarryyy, the dark lord isss coming sss” or just petty shit like “haaaarrryy, now is the time, assskkk out cho chaaannngg”

The snake getting really agitated in second year and Harry like ‘Aw, what’s wrong little friend?’

And snake’s like ‘Nah don’t worry it’s cool, it’s just that big fuck-off snake in the pipes that keeps making you think you’re hearing things—it’s like, ten thousand foot long, and I’m a corn snake, so you know. Bit intimidating.’

*snake looks around during the OWL exam*
“pssssssst, harry, the ansssssswer isssss nicholasssss flamel”

yoakesan:

bitchycode:

You: “Everybody shut up.” *picks up phone* “Hey mum.”

Friend 1: “HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!”
Friend 2: “come back to bed”
Friend 3: *various sex noises*
Friend 4: “tell her i said hi”
Friend 5: “Aye! Pass the weed”
Friend 6: *blasting out curse words*
Friend 7: “PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON”

Tag yourself I’m friend 7