She only slept for like ten minutes lol
no i dont want to be a billionaire to live a lavish lifestyle i want to be a billionaire to be financially secure and have enough money to give people things and support charities and fund kickstarters and leave hundred dollar tips
My lavish dream lifestyle: 200% tips at IHOP and throwing struggling artists a couple hundred bucks to sketch my latest asshole OC. I buy my cats better food. I get new underwear twice a year, including a new bra. I have my jeans hemmed, and buy name-brand crackers. Nobody I know ever has to worry about a vet bill again. I quietly bankroll surgery and binders and electrolysis for every struggling trans person on Tumblr. The zoo near me builds a 300% larger reptile house and names it the Wigglesworth Von Snakeface Rept-o-Rama, and I hire a Great Dane ninja to shit on Trump’s Hollywood star every day and post the picture to Facebook and Twitter. Snakes manifest in nazis’ houses. They are made of red-hot chains and never stop screaming. My skin is clear. I sit on my front porch and drink tea. Someone hands me a hamburger.
[wakes up] [clown vanishes] aaaahhh that was a nice rest. i slept like a baby all night. time to start the day [gets up] [takes a shower and brushes teeth] [gets dressed] [goes about my day taking care of business] [comes home] fwoo i’m tired. it’s time for a hard-earned night’s rest. [lies down] [falls asleep] [evil clown materializes in my room and watches me sleep all night]
no text post has ever started better than “[wakes up] [clown vanishes]” I’m hooked into the story I want to know more about this world
every time I remember about this spectacular moment, it just makes me happy (and also proud) that this joke was most probably written by an openly gay man (Chris Kelly) and performed by an open lesbian woman (Kate Mckinnon) in live tv. and that is just glorious.
This is how you take an SNL skit: with humour and acknowledgement that you’ve cocked up along the way. Not by being a pissbaby about it on twitter all night long
