herbertwestapologist:

my fursona: a moth but every time it sticks its proboscis out it makes a party blower noise

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

jumpingjacktrash:

citizen-zero:

tbh I’d love a horror-comedy about a retail worker accidentally becoming a ghost/demon hunter because they’re just so unfazed by difficult and weird and bellicose customers that evil entities aren’t much more of a challenge.

“sir or ma'am or neuter, I’m going to have to ask you to stop crawling on the ceiling, you’re disturbing the other residents”

“please leave this place before I call the exorcist to remove you from the premises”

“company policy forbids me from accepting power from customers in exchange for my soul or firstborn child”

“sir, if you keep speaking to me like that, I’m going to have to end this spirit board conversation. have a good day, goodbye”

the walls start weeping blood. our hero gives a long-suffering sigh, walks away, comes back with a wheelie mop bucket and biohazard gloves. hey, it’s better than bathrooms on the overnight shift, at least blood’s not smelly when it’s fresh.

After facing Karen of the Many Coupons and Screaming Children, Asgortoh the Reaper of the Damned is no contest.

“I’ve seen Terror the likes of which you cannot possibly imagine. I have seen the destruction of humanity and rage that burns hotter than the brightest star.”

“What kind of foul beast are you?”

“A retail worker”

rocktheholygrail:

♪ Who else has such robust good looks in such a large amount?
I’m handsome and I’m talented and love your bank account ♪

foervraengd:

Americans having discourse abt pineapple on pizza are so blissfully unaware of the nightmare that is swedish banana pizza

chordsofsteel:

bye

I hate my state. This is a fucking Jimmy johns.

wumblr:

wuffleton:

Only if you’re an actual idiot and don’t turn on MMS conversion for long texts (which most Android flavors do by default). Or try to send shit when you know you don’t have cell service (because SMS inherently doesn’t keep track of order). Oh woe be that a mobile OS that runs on a variety of hardware and networks actually uses open standards that’ve been around for years instead of inventing their proprietary, incompatible extensions to it that only work with hardware from that vendor or a certain version of the OS.

Have fun with your lack of a headphone jacks and shattered screens Apple fanatics. Not even Gorilla glass can save you tbh.

chefpyro:

pansexual-pirate-seeks-all-booty:

chefpyro:

hellsite-hq:

chefpyro:

im gonna name my next dog “dogg” (with two g’s)

Why did you have to clarify it has two g’s after spelling it with two g’s

no his name is “dogg” (with two g’s)

So wait, his name is “"dogg” (with two g’s)“ with three g’s?

no, his name isn’t  “"dogg” (with two g’s)“ with three g’s, that’s a terrible name.

it’s “dogg” (with two g’s).