*ernest hemingway shaking dice at a casino* come on, daddy needs a new pair of baby shoes, never worn
petition for everyone to adopt the term “grammar fool” and collectively stop using the words “grammar nazi”
my bro forgot he had a bag of unopened gummy bears sitting in his car for god knows how long not even he knows how long its been there and all the individual bears have melted and fused together with the trapped heat of the car. then for some reason he stuck the melted goop into the fridge because i mean fuck it it looks like a forced fusion from hell but its still good and edible y’know?? Few hours later and the end result was this disgusting colorful abomination. I actually took a few bites off this blob because I have literally no standards for my food intake and not only did I just consume 10,000 calories in three bites but I can feel the souls of these poor gummy bears screaming in agony at the pit of my stomach and I feel death is near
me: i tend to mix up my left and right
everyone: your left hand makes an 'L' for left! thats how i remember it!
me: yea i usually forget what an 'L' looks like too
President Obama offered to pay for Vice President Biden’s son’s cancer treatment after finding out Biden was considering selling his house to pay for it. That’s really kind but… holy shit. If the *Vice President* has to *sell his house* to pay for healthcare, what chance do regular Americans have? How is anyone still alive in that country?? Australia, do not do anything to creep in the direction of America’s healthcare system. Keep Medicare free. Including frikking pap smears.
Do I…. Do I use my instrument for this?
I mean, it’d be 10,000x funnier if the clarinet player assigned just stood up and started screaming.
