Silver Tongue
princeloki:
“ f1rstperson:
“ Glad to see my lifelong disinterest in golf is paying off
”
let me tell you about golf
i grew up in a little desert valley called Tucson, Arizona, where it only rains 2 inches a year on average. the majority of the city’s...

princeloki:

f1rstperson:

Glad to see my lifelong disinterest in golf is paying off

let me tell you about golf

i grew up in a little desert valley called Tucson, Arizona, where it only rains 2 inches a year on average. the majority of the city’s water is pumped from an underground aquifer, which took millions of years to fill. one of the biggest conservation efforts in our city was for water, naturally, and i spent a lot of time learning about low flow toilets and 5 minute showers. i learned that filling your sink basin and washing your dishes in that water is less costly than running the tap. i learned that it only takes 2 days without water on the desert for someone to die

the city was sinking as the aquifer drained. neighborhoods fell into flood zones that didnt exist 10 years ago

there’s a road called Golf Links in the city and it is lined with golf courses. miles of green grass where grass doesn’t grow, in a valley where it doesn’t rain. why? because the rich white retirees who moved there to stop the aching in their joints decided they should also get to play golf. meanwhile our public schools taught small children like me that taking long showers would kill the world

let the golf industry burn

Replace “wife” with “skeleton” in old terrible standup routines

bogleech:

SKELETONS, am I right guys? Haha, can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em! Take my skeleton, for instance - no, seriously, take it! - you can tell who has a skeleton in the audience because they’re afraid to laugh in front of it but I know you guys are laughing on the inside while the oooool’ ball n’ chain sits there like “that’s not funny!”

droosy:

droosy:

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no amount of excitement can move garnet to use an exclamation point

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cinematic parallels

mbulteau:

thebisexualmandalorian:

aspiringwarriorlibrarian:

You know, it’s always been assumed that in ancient Britain people avoided the fair folk at all cost and were super careful to not be trapped if taken, but with the amount of people agreeing that they want aliens to abduct them today, I can’t help but wonder if during tough periods of Irish history there were people who genuinely wanted the fair folk to get them. 

“As you can tell, we have to be very careful around these parts lest the fair folk steal you to the Otherworld.”

“FUCKING STEAL MY SOUL ALREADY YOU ETHEREAL ASSHOLES!”

You know, I never thought of it like that, but I can absolutely believe it.

they’re essentially interchangeable, so yeah, pretty much

chefpyro:

keepitup.mp4

i’m so glad we got another episode about stevonnie’s knife

[youtube link]

thelastpilot:

this made me cry. the message of the song really hit me hard

dragons-new-artist:

nexis89:

avant-gardevoir:

syntax-error:

When playing MGS V I tried fucking around with it and got some really weird guns like

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A pistol with a grenade launcher barrel and a scoped shotgun on top of it, fairly normal

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It has two triggers so you can fire two shots at the same time and kill the same person twice

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A pistol with a grenade launcher attached to it with a rocket launcher attached to the grenade launcher

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The pistol was redundant so I replaced it with…well it seems to be a scope that is actually a gun

did you make

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the silent grenade

YUO SEE IVAN

@elektronx

writingcyan:

vermillionsketcher:

This is Sniper’s right thumb I’ve seen in various sfm photos. Did he hurt his thumb or something? His thumbnail is all black but the rest of his fingers/nails are fine looking.

Please explain?

His sniper rifle has a manually operated bolt action on the right-hand side. The bruise (a subungual haematoma) is caused by trying to reload too fast (too many people wanting him dead on the battlefield?) and getting his thumb caught in the sliding mechanism.

image (Gif by Coverop.)

Watch how his right hand moves to pull back the handle, unload the spent cartridge case, and slide the fresh round into the breech:

image (Gif by Payface.)

The bolt-action mechanism looks something like this (source: wikipedia) - it is allegedly quite painful to get your fingers pinched in it:

image

That’s Valve for you - completely ridiculous canon, perfectly detailed character designs.