Megatron loses starscream in a crowed
Megatron on intercom: “Megatron has fallen”
Starscream, somewhere in the crowed: “NOW I, STARSCREAM AM LEADER OF THE DECEPTICONS!”
Megatron: “there he is.”
Someone: ay Matthew we want to do a photoshoot of you
Matthew Gray Gubler: can it be outside?
Someone: Ye
Matthew Gray Gubler: can I wear a bright pink turtleneck?
Someone: Um sure I guess, we were really thinking more neutral tones-
Matthew Gray Gubler: do I have to brush my hair?
Someone: um no I guess not
Matthew Gray Gubler: can I have a cockatiel on my head?
Someone: can u just be fuckin normal for once or
laser-free diet.
y'all need to hear about gerb.
gerb was my high school physics teacher. (gerb is short for mr. gerber.) when we were learning about radiation and whatnot, and we touched on radiation poisoning, gerb decided to tell us a story.
when gerb was in high school, he worked in a supermarket. a cashier. there was this one little old lady, mrs. cassopolis, who was a regular. mrs. cassopolis firmly believed that the lasers used to scan her food items would give her radiation poisoning. they tried to explain that’s not a thing. but old cass wouldn’t hear a word of it.
the employees had to punch in every. last. grocery. item. MANUALLY.
and this woman would buy cartfulls of food every week, like any good grandma trying to feed her five children and eighteen grandchildren every time they come for a Sunday visit. so pretty soon, the employees figured out a strategy to get her on her way and get on with their lives.
one or more employees would distract old cass while the cashier would scan all the items he could as fast as humanly possible while she wasn’t paying attention.
now this supermarket had a rewards program for its most efficient workers. the computer would track how quickly the cashiers scanned items, and how many total they scanned in one day, that kind of thing. so one day, gerb’s boss came to him and said “uh,”
“you scanned three hundred items in six minutes last Tuesday during your shift”
and gerb says “i recall”
“that’s about four times faster than anything i’ve ever seen”
and gerb says “yea ok”
“jeremy what happened?”and gerb says
“i had to save a little old woman from placebo radiation”
PLEASE READ
Guys, Septembers coming.
We need to respect Billie Joe.
For people who don’t know what the song ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends’ is about, its about Billie Joe’s father passing.
Next month, respect Billie Joe, and the members of Green Day.
Please pass it on.
And please, by all means, don’t make jokes about the song. Billie described September as being the worst month of the year, and making jokes out of the song proves nothing but insensitivity. Just be respectful.
