sgt-morgan:

regularghostly:

maltese-death-kitty:

renguro:

bileshroom:

solitomatonic:

im gonna start collecting a list of the funniest phrases in the english language

so far ive got

  • get his ass
  • thats the bitch (when referring to an object/type of creature)
  • fat fuck friday
  • shouting “fuck yeah dude” and hyping something up when someone does something minor like opening a jar of jam
  • does man care

feel free to add your own

  • calling someone / an inanimate object a whore over absolutely nothing

i want that twink obliterated

• calling everything sexy

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SHRIMP! HEAVEN! NOW!

Old \ expired cyanide. The would be killers weren't very competent.
Anonymous

are you telling me that poison has an expiration date!?

gayarsonist:

gayarsonist:

gayarsonist:

gayarsonist:

if we break up i’m taking back the powers i gave you

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paulsultimatearchive:

mamoru:

a waffle house has closed.

fuck it just got real

the-subservient-human:

zanmor:

autumnimagining:

literallythekremlin:

barebackbearyak:

tilthat:

TIL cyanide had no effect on Rasputin in the first murder attempt because cyanide sprinkled over cakes converted to harmless ammonia

via ift.tt

It was cooked into rose cakes, to be specific. The blending and cooking process fundamentally broke down the cyanide.

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This is kinda disappointing to learn. Also, this means Boney M lied to us because they said the poison was put into his wine and I am frankly disgusted that Boney M would lie to me like this.

according to this they tried both at the same time. poisoned wine and poisoned cakes

Faith in Boney M restored

how did he survive the wine?

ginghampearlsnsweettea:

thatlittleegyptologist:

bubobubosibericus:

somecunttookmyurl:

blarghala:

birlinterrupted:

American Conservatives: if you don’t go to a bar and drink green beer then the virus wins. Triggered much, libs?

British Conservatives: *literal supervillain monologue *

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Holy FUCK

Katie is an ungodly vile cow but like unironically this is the official government stance

Gone off the deep end have they?

Katie is a grade A cunt and has always been off the deep end. It’s been this way since she was caught fucking a man in an open field who was not her husband.

For the first time in a long time the US government doesn’t have the worst stance on something.

teacupfulofstarshine:

logo-comics:

camiluna27:

coolsville-ghetto:

kai-wildfang:

Can someone from the Pokemon fandom explain this, I don’t understand nurse Joy’s reaction.

Ho-oh is basically a minor deity, so nurse joy pretty much just heard this ten year old say “i threw a rat at a god.”

i threw a rat at a god

The best part? Pikachu is awake. Pokemon faint upon being defeated.

What Nurse Joy heard was more along the lines of “I threw a mouse at a god and the mouse won.”

what is a king to a god

what is a god to a ten year old with an electric mouse

to be fair, that god turned ash into an immortal on his second day of being a trainer

pukicho:

speedyruinschaos:

pukicho:

Sorry I haven’t been posting much today I’ve been busy

I have several questions

The answer is one million, one million frog chairs

rocktheholygrail:

Totally correct Megamind quotes