Silver Tongue
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revscarecrow:

sofiathesjw:

Stop shipping Youtubers together 2k15.

Stop shipping actors together 2k15.

Stop shipping bandmates together 2k15.

Stop shipping real, living people together 2k15. 

I see people do really intense porn involving me and people I don’t know and I just think. “Dude I’m not some slut you gotta wine and dine me a bit before we get to banging. I don’t wanna feel bad about myself in the morning.”

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other.

fiddleabout:

daenerys-stormborn-queen-of-aros:

the-bored-cat:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.”

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Yooooooooooo now THIS is the kind of blonde jokes I’m about

image

runtothemoneylikeusainbolt:

micdotcom:

Instead of letting all that gourmet gnocchi and salmon go to waste, the Duane family hosted an impromptu free dinner for the Sacramento’s homeless population. While the bride didn’t see the event, her mother shared the family’s bittersweet feelings.

He didn’t deserve her

Me and my friends are trash and love sinning

treavor-pendleton:
“ owlystuffs:
“ asexual-jirachi:
“ bagged-a-bazooka:
“ the-doritos-pope:
“ I love the original video for this (“Never illegally download”)
The volume levels on it are so borked there’s a guy shouting and it’s literally...

treavor-pendleton:

owlystuffs:

asexual-jirachi:

bagged-a-bazooka:

the-doritos-pope:

I love the original video for this (“Never illegally download”)

The volume levels on it are so borked there’s a guy shouting and it’s literally discernible

art.

Holy shit you’re right

image

im crying

how much are you willing to bet this was a half-assed school project

everyone on Tumblr needs to start clearing up their act

kilalabunnies:

earthdad:

Santa Claus is coming soon and we won’t get presents if we keep sinning

@a-spoopy-mod @thesweetadventuresofstrawberry

Hey, sinning is my present

🎨

clumsydinokid-blog:

image

She’s beautiful

kilalabunnies:
“This is fanart of @a-spoopy-mod‘s OC, Soap. This my first time drawing a goat in this style, and I like how it came out.
”
Super cute goat bab

kilalabunnies:

This is fanart of @a-spoopy-mod‘s OC, Soap. This my first time drawing a goat in this style, and I like how it came out.

Super cute goat bab