Oh boy.

First, I deliver sandwiches. I work for jimmy johns.

Now for the worst parent award.

this one woman comes with a toddler daughter and young child son. She takes the baby seat and brings it over to her table but rather than setting her toddler in it, she puts her purse in it and her toddler on the table. She is on a call as her daughter stands on the table and starts smacking the overhanging light. Now all out hanging lights are connected on a single bar. swing one light and the whole bar swings and subsequently, the other lights. So this bitch is letting her daughter put other customers in danger by swaying a long bar hanging up high. Meanwhile, her son is holding down the ice machine and letting ice fall all over the floor, making a slipping hazard. When we ask her to control her kids, she throws a huge fit about how we don’t have the right to criticize her parenting and demands to speak to the manager. Luckily, the manager was the one who asked her to control her kids and not put her toddler on the table.

So she makes a huge scene and leaves and luckily we never see her again.

armiehammerme:

go-ride-a-boar:

• Push off a cliff
  
• Kiss
  
• Marry
  
• Set on Fire
  
• Wrap a Blanket around
  
• Be Roommates with
  

DO THIS

I need more hypnotic butt wagging in my life

queenbeaniii:

-come up with a goofy catchphrase to say before I start a battle and when I win/lose

-ask strangers for their numbers after we battle so I can call them constantly to tell them how strong my top percentage rattata is

-brush up on my Pokeflute playing skills in case of a Snorlax blocking my path

-start a gym and hand out badges to people who beat me

-scream “THERE’S A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING” at people riding bikes in illogical locations

-jump out at unsuspecting civilians when they walk past to battle

-blast inspiring Pokemon music when I travel around or battle people

-cosplay every day

-lose my entire social life

I have greens theme on my phone and I will play it whenever I battle

rainfelt:

boychic:

everybody who skipped dragon age origins is missing out b/c at some point you help a tree who speaks only in rhymes steal an acorn from a homeless man in your quest to locate and kill a naked woman and some werewolves for an 800 year old elf

Maybe you stole an acorn from a homeless man. I bartered for it like a decent human being.

I don’t know, stealing it was fun. Also I helped the werewolves because I’m a good elf mage

blackcatula:

fucking WASTED

stpetericks:

are you ever listening to a fall out boy song and then suddenly u kind of just drop everything and stop in ur tracks and maybe stop breathing for a minute

because holy fuck

u fucking understands what he says in that one part

and ur life is sort of changed forever

arealliveghost:

mulattafury:

sometimes u go on google searching for a reference image and you just find something that is totally not what you are looking for but is better than anything u could have ever dreamed

who is she

[source]

the moment I saw this woman I was completely overcome with the feeling that she was, at that very moment, somehow divorcing me

I need to draw her

classannalampost:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

i do bite my thumb, sir

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

is the law on our side if i say ay?

No

no, sir, i do not bite my thumb at you sir; but I bite my thumb, sir

Do you quarrel, sir?

quarrel, sir? no sir

if you do, sir, i am for you: i serve as good a man as you

No better

well, sir

DOST THOU WANT TO FUCKING GO, SIR?

DOST THOU THINK THOU CAN FUCKING TAKE ME, BRO?

DOST THOU EVEN HOIST? OUT TO THE COURT YARD, WITH HASTE.  

The Shakespeare fandom is out of control