Silver Tongue
what she says: i'm fine
what she means: The "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" universe is very fucked up when you think about it. When Mr. Herriman was no longer President of the house, he went out looking for a job, and saw a sign that said "No Imaginaries Wanted." In the episode with the mall, the Courtesy desk doesn't hold imaginary friends lost in the mall, but do hold lost human kids. Old Man Rivers also uses the word "imaginaries" in an almost derogatory way. Does that mean discrimination against imaginary friends is legal in this universe? Terrence creates an imaginary pizza friend just to eat him. In the episode where Mac and Bloo struggle to get to the Dinner Hall, they encounter a chicken leg imaginary friend, who hates talking about "Fat camp." The fat camp scouts were creating imaginary friends to eat them. In this universe, is that considered murder? In this universe, where imaginary friends are real, tangible beings, how did this effect the creation of human rights, with John Locke and the like? Is it legal to use imaginary friends as soldiers in warfare? Did that ever come up at the Geneva Convention in this universe? Did imaginary friends die in the Holocaust? Since there are so many imaginary friends, doesn't that mean this universe has to have more of everything, from food to airplane seating? Were imaginary friends ever used as slaves?

marvelous-gallifrey:

takenbyabook:

beben-eleben:

Six-Word Stories That Are Absolutely Heart-Breaking

OH MY GOD.

You forgot the original six-word memoir by Hemingway - “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” 

cantcolonizethispussy:

softwhorecore:

cantcolonizethispussy:

potatoes are actually my unproblematic fave

But they were the cause of a famine

i can’t believe u just pulled receipts on potatoes

Excuse u, my client, potatoes, were not present during the famine.

joeaconite:
“Wooliemorphs
”

joeaconite:

Wooliemorphs

antoniosvivaldi:

Harry Potter Funny Book Titles: Professor McGonagall’s PoV
Text credit: (x)

I keep so much shit in my pants pockets that when they take them off it sounds like I was wearing weighted clothing like in DBZ

How to Protect the Poni

sweet-poni:

1) Obtain Duct Tape

2) Obtain a shit load of pillows

3) Obtain Poni

4) Hold Poni down and place pillows all over her body

5) Duct Tape Pillows onto said body

6) Sit her upright and watch her fall back and flail like a small child who has too many clothes on for winter

7) Leave her there so she can be safe

But pillows would stop the breathing and poni would die

sweet-poni:

mint-and-love:

nillyandthefunkybunch:

mint-and-love:

Seriously this isn’t as bad as half the shit i’ve done. 

  1. Drank gasoline on a bet
  2. Got windex in my eyes
  3. had the roof of my mouth ripped due to a curtain hanger
  4. stepping on a rusty nail 
  5. shot myself with a nail gun
  6. had 200 lbs of shelving fall on my big toe
  7. slammed my pinkey toe repeatedly into a corner

it doesn’t even make my top 10 stupid shit i’ve done

We have all done stupid things. Even me.

1. Went through 4 weeks of straight pain and misery avoiding the doctor only to find out I had strep throat.

2. Played tug-a-war with my grandfather and using the hose, only to get a huge hunk of skin ripped off my hand.

3. Breaking my tail bone for a second time, thinking I could do a flip on the monkey bars.

4. Played with a friend’s over  zealous pitt bullpuppy only to get 7 stitches in my nose. (Hooray for hospital visit.)

5. Stepped on a hunk of concrete that broke off into the pool and it getting stuck.

6. Getting Jalepeno juice squirt into my eye while cooking (THAT SHIT BURNS)

7. Landed on a burning creepy crawler plate and getting a nasty burn.

8. Getting head butted by my horse, because she was spooked.

9. Nearly getting killed 7 times. (All either animal or nature based incidents.)

10. And one of those being, being pinned to a wall by my first horse and nearly being stomped to death, because I failed to see she was not in the mood for my shit. (To be fair, I was 8 years old.)

Friend i worry for you

1) I’m blind in one eye due to a cat accident when I was 4. It physically ripped out my eye and now my pupil bleeds off into my iris.

2) I’ve broken nearly every bone in my body at least twice, minus some part of my skull and head.

3) I have broken my middle finger and my ring finger on my right hand about 4 times each

4) I broke my arm on a trampoline when I was 6 and tried to play it off like nothing happened.

5) I’ve had my foot broken by having our horse step on it when she got scared.

6) I’ve had stitches in my cheek from being bitten by a dog. Twice.

7) I have been bitten by countless snakes.

8) When I was a child I fell into a cactus patch

9) I’ve had a stick stuck in my eye. Actually stuck. Like poking into my eyeball physically.

10) Multiple near death experiences because I am short

PONI WHAT THE HELL!? I AM NOW VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU

Stupid customer #7

rosexknight:

“Hey I want to return this charger I got it’s defective.”
“Alright. Let’s take a look.”
*charger is held together with electrical tape, has chew marks from small animals, etc*
“This is…super not defective ma'am.”
“Well it hasn’t been 30 days.”
“Our return policy is 15 days. Sorry you’ll have to take this up with the manufacturer.