balfies:

an-xfile:

actuallybenwyatt:

I met a couple Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is possibly the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is “I’m not here to fuck spiders”. It means “I’m already doing that” or “Obviously, yeah”. So like, example usage:

At the bar with a friend.
Friend: do you want to get a beer?
Me: well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.

ive literally never heard someone say that what fuckin australians did you meet

mate those Australians introduced you to the grand Australian tradition of fucking with foreigners and making them believe anything about Australia

vinegod:

When you get hurt in front of your friend vs. Best friend 😂 by Lele Pons

hoofprint-is-spooky:

It’s not a clever twist if you lie to your audience about it. 

If you have to lie to trick your audience, then you are predictable and not clever.

kineticpenguin:

maidenblue:

hobovampire:

psy-chi:

Always reblog

LITERALLY my favourite soldier post.

Remember, you can vote to get this added to the game

sarcastic-nonfictionalist:

or twenty

mariahoenenevigglad:

kawrage:

CNN confused a flag that’s comprised of butt plugs and dildos for an ISIS flag

amazing

onespacegemstone:

pieces-of-one:

child: *brings up valid point on how parent is wrong*
parent: ….
parent: I don’t like your tone right now

overused-dorito-joke:

strampunch:

icanhasmagics:

i will now impersonate the mating call of the gravity falls fan

*clears throat*

MY EX-WIFE

STILL MISSES ME

B̶̛ͭ̅͒̐̊̈͊̇͏͚̰̥̙Ů̯͌ͧT̼͔̮̲̐̅͆͢ ̻̰̂͊ͮͯ̽͋̋H̦͇̬͇̫̤ͭ̾̈ͧ̆ͫ͟E͓̜̲ͦͩ͐̐̌ͤ͛͆̚̕͟͡R̨͕̩͇̰ͨͫ̃̉ͯ̚ ̿͌̋̃͜͢͏̠͕̯̗͍̘͔̺A̙̪͎̬̩̹͖̩̅ͤͫ͢I̢̻͕͖̺̖̣̪̣͌̇M̨̜ͧ̋ͧͩ̀̄̎ͩ ̵̦͍̿̈́̓̆̈́̍̌Į̷̤͙̺͗̑͞S̓̋ͯ҉̡͇̭͙ͅ ̺̤̮̯͐̓͐ͤ̈́̚̚G̶̟̰̮̥͎̣͈ͧ̓͑̐͟͠E̟̺̭͌͌̐͡T̛̆̈͢͏͇T̸̘̳̼̘̠̾̉͂̄̏̃͂̕I̸̙̗͓̯ͬ̕͟N̨̡̞̤̖̈͗̓̿̒̆̂ͦ͡G̛̻̥͙̭͗ ̛̞ͦͭ̈́̾͆B̄͛̈͝͏̦͍̜̯͉͎̬̘E̺͚͚͌̍̚͡T̵̸̫͈̪̞̈́ͧ͠Ṯ̡̫͍͍̖̭̟̒́̆͌E̜̲̰̲̤̿̄͌ͤ̓̿͆͊R̳̲͕̮̘͂ͬ̀́͞

spasticbirdie:

BY POPULAR DEMAND

Fallout: New Vegas/text posts

part 1