my bf knows how to sail and stuff so we were going to fuck on a boat so when we sailed out to somewhere isolated we started making out pretty intensely and i kissed his neck and earlobe and whispered “aye aye captain” and he said “i can’t hear you” so i said it again and then he fucking went “oooooooooooooh” and started singing the fucking spongebob theme song i wanted to kill him
YOU GUYS ARE FOOLS
YOU HAVE TO DECORATE THEM
AFTER YOU COOK THEM AND THEY’VE COOLED
THANK YOU HOLY SHIT
HOW THE HELL DO YOU FUCK UP DIPPING STRAWBERRIES IN CHOCOLATE??? DID YOU EVEN TEMPER THE CHOCOLATE OR DO YOU JSUT LIVE IN FUCKING MORDOR HOLY SHIT
im laughing so fucking hard
Thank you, Gordon Ramsay side of Tumblr.
- Halloween is over
- Thanksgiving is over
- Christmas is over
- New years is over
now what
There is that one day in February, the one we mustn’t speak of
The day that is the bane of aromantics everywhere?
One thing I’ve learned: when people end whatever they’re saying with “idk, I’m probably not making any sense,” it usually means they are telling you something very close and personal to them, something that’s such an integral part of their being that they have trouble putting it into words that do it justice.
librarian: you have an overdue book
shakira: i’m pretty sure i turned it in a couple weeks ago…
shakira’s hips: she lost it
shakira: son of a
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they can’t get that high.How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, she holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. An alto to actually do it and a soprano to stand by and ask “isn’t that a little high for you?”
u wanna fucking go
here for this fight
