derplier777:

Desire in a nutshell

the best platonic relationship between two straight men

captainroyalchaos:

A ZeRoyalChaos Fanfic written and narrated by GassyMexican.

(i hope this doesn’t count as a spoiler. sorry max.)

——————————

It was a bright, sunny day in New York City. 

And Chilled had come to invite Ze to New York City.

That wasn’t supposed to rhyme, but it did.

Anyways, Chilled invited Ze out to a park stroll.

In New York City Central Park.

One of the greatest, most renowned parks in all of the land.

They met up at noon, and Chilled said to him, “Hey Ze, how ya doing?”

And Ze was like, “Naw, I’m pretty good, you know, just played some games.”

And Chilled’s like “Of course you did.” 

And then they fuuuuuuuuucked. *slurp*

BRRUHHHH, THE SEXES AND STUFF BHHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFF FFFFFFF FFFFFFFF FFFthat’s the penis going in and out. that’s what it is right there.

Fanfic over.

lambslie:

I don’t know much about “Alex from Target”, but I like his hair, it’s really nice.

lavalamp-of-epicness:

finished the fnaf thing I previewed a week ago~

“…H-He caught me off guard, man.”

“Just get back on the stage, you walking eyesore.”

poppypicklesticks:

yogaboi:

I told all of you now let’s leave the poor kid alone

20 bucks says all those thirsty witches will just start saying “you haven’t met the right woman yet” or just start sending him homophobic shit

He has nice hair.

zodiacmind:

Fun facts about your sign here

peachwesker:

PLEASE WATCH THIS

rabbitrecycle:

puffoflogic:

sublimesublemon:

deducecanoe:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

rabbitrecycle-deactivated202206:

Wait wait wait so you’re telling me

That these things aren’t elaborately shaped slightly mathematical candies?

I’m still gunna check

shit

AS WE ALL KNOW, WE WOMEN CANNOT UNDERSTAND COMPLICATED THINGS LIKE DICE

ONLY MANLY MEN KNOW WHAT DICE ARE

SOME OF THEM HAVE AS MANY AS TWENTY SIDES. HOW CAN WE UNDERSTAND TWENTY SIDES?

twenty sides and not one single one is a stove or ironing board

This is amazing

The fact that this post is still alive and kicking is hysterical

It would have been funnier if she actually used candy dice for the sake of a joke

http://dicecandies.com/

A recoding I did based off of this post

fierceawakening:

turbochargedhysterics:

deanisanactualprincess:

dontkillbirds:

miau-is-me:

luvr4photography:

radiogrimshaw:

annathemoony:

soupnbananaz:

littleartemis:

radiogrimshaw:

radiogrimshaw:

ten inch dick aka longer than my forearm

i know there are some writers who follow me

please

take note

I believe the average is 6 inches? The longest is 14, an he suffers dizziness when he gets a boner, and even though he’s heterosexual, he can only have sex with men (or anally with women) as his cock can’t fit in a vagina.

So writers, take note.

jesus h. christ

I once had a boyfriend who was quite well-endowed, and that was some painful, annoying shit right there (especially with a selfish dude who didn’t really think about that/blamed me for being “tiny,” what the fuck). The average vagina is 3-4 inches deep, though some women may have a depth of 6-7 inches.

Of course, a lady’s Sarlaac Pit is designed to accomodate rather large things. That does not, however, mean that it is comfortable or fun to have those large things in your hermetically-sealed shame basket, not to mention have it ramming repeatedly against your cervix. Ow fucking ow.

Contrary to popular belief, bigger is NOT ALWAYS BETTER.

A rectum can be between 5-7 inches deep. A pliable dildo could push past that, taking that sharp curve into the large intestine, if you’re patient and flexible and you have a lot of lube at your disposal. And you don’t mind things being in your INTESTINES, oh my God. A hard dick, however, that isn’t so bendy, would be another story entirely.

So if you’re shooting for realistic sex and your bottom isn’t into pain, you may want to reconsider giving your top anything over 7-8 inches of dick. 10+ inches might sound awesome but like Communism, for most people at least, it’s better in theory than it is in practice.

This very NSFW and TMI-imbued post brought to you by all the fucks I do not give.

Oh and if anyone accuses me of kink shaming I will find you and I will skin you.

ive learned a lot today omg

i think the last of my innocence just got killed reading this

#huge dicks are like communism

I reblogged this yesterday but I just have to reblogg again for ^

#huge dicks are like communism

can someone please put that on a shirt

there is nothing about this post that is not hilarious oh my god