commanderchrist:
“ jetstream-tormod:
“ 124:
“
”
Do any of you know how cheap soda syrup and hot dogs are?
” ”

commanderchrist:

jetstream-tormod:

124:

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Do any of you know how cheap soda syrup and hot dogs are?

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transpunkspacejunk:

be christ-like this christmas. gather a crowd and inspire them to anarchism. beat a politician with a whip. help out your local sex workers. preach equality.

spiroandthelacktones:
“pirate baby yoda for all your needs
”

spiroandthelacktones:

pirate baby yoda for all your needs

capitalisthippie:

prismatic-bell:

theindependentconservative:

doctornanitesreblogs:

cacklebarnacle:

jumpingjacktrash:

themiscyra1983:

one-for-all-plus-ultra:

xekstrin:

icedsilver:

tilthat:

TIL plants make caffeine to defend themselves against pests. Caffeine is toxic to birds, dogs, cats, and it has a pronounced adverse effect on mollusks, various insects, and spiders.

via reddit.com

Coffee plant: *evolves caffeine* Safe at last

Humans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Why are we like this….

the fact that we can’t drink sea water even tho its the most common type of water just bc its 3% salt yet we can safely consume multiple forms of literal poison and even benefit from doing so just blows my fucking mind

Peppers: Now that I have capsaicin, no mammal will eat me! ONLY BIRDS. THE BIRDS WILL SPREAD MY SEEDS.

Humans: oh my god this burns so good

Peppers: wut

poppies: at last, i have evolved my sap to the point where anything that eats me will sleep… FOREVER

humans who are about to invent painkillers: hey guess what

tobacco: finally i can grow in peace, no more insects munching on my leaves.

humans holding matches: my, my, what do we have here?

Mint: Stay off me bugs or I’ll poison you!

Humans: Yeah I’m gonna need to put this poison in my dessert and mix it with chocolate. 

Aliens Studying the Planet: 

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The fact I didn’t know half of these are poisons says A LOT.

Plants: *evolve defenses to dissuade from being eaten*

Humans:


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microcroft:

sailor–spoon:

siniristiriita:

cat: hey you gonna eat that?

human: uh, that’s a rat. They’ve been showing up ever since we started harvesting grain. We don’t eat them, they eat our food.

cat: free game then. Cool.

human: be my guest.

cat: hey is this spot free? It looks warm and I need a place to have my litter.

humans: this is my house. Feel free, I guess, just don’t get stepped on.

cat: hey can you watch my kittens for me? I need to hunt and I don’t want predators finding them.

human: holy shit these buggers are cute. Nothing will happen to them.

cat: I am going to climb on your lap now and you are going to love me.

human: I’m ok with this.

HEY JUST TO REMIND EVERYONE: CATS DOMESTICATED THEMSELVES AND WE ARE JUST LUCKY THAT THEY CHOSE TO HAVE US IN THEIR LIVES

kinda mad because op managed to summarize the domestication of cats in a single post what it took me a 10+ page research paper to explain

the-regeneratin-degenerate:

ineffablewitch:

laiusthrden:

Twilight (2008) / Castlevania (2017)

go to jail

Oh my god

yeah-yeah-beebiss-1:

milqi:

teathattast:

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That cat is going to murder the man in the dark of night.

alas, he will be unable to murder the man because the accordion noises that now accompany his every move make stealth impossible

meteorash:

silver-tongues-blog:

yourplayersaidwhat:

Gnome tosses rotten necromancer head to NPC

NPC: What the FUCK!?

Gnome: Jobs done. wheres our payment

NPC: I just asked you to look into if he was behind the kidnappings, not to kill him!

Gnome: well one way or the other, the kidnappings wont happen anymore

We ended up killing the npc too and used the necromancers own notes and magic to bind both their souls to one single body under our thrall

I want to ask what’s wrong with you guys but I also don’t want to know

Our party consists of a war paladin, a granddaughter of Tiamat and the gnome whose a few apples short of a pie

royai-owns-my-soul:

liquidstar:

silver-tongues-blog:

they were probably cheering on the 10000 year old virgin

liquidstar:

Can’t stop thinking about how if every soul in Hohenheim’s philosopher stone is sentient and aware of what’s going on that means they had to watch when he and Trisha fucked

Hohenheim: *finishes inside her*

The Twitch chat in his soul:

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