Silver Tongue

dirgeofthecicadas:

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This is the best possible thing that could have happened to me

Bonus:

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chefpyro:

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Why do people say gesundheit when they’re not german? Same deal.

bixbythemartian:

commodorecliche:

great-tweets:

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As someone raised in the South, I can confirm that this works every time.

I can confirm this as a fellow southerner.

Alternatives include:

“Well, I’ve bothered you enough for one night.”

“Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

And

“Alright, I’ll let you get back to it then.”

can confirm

unashamedly-enthusiastic:

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Oh gawd every time you think it’s over it gers BETTER

🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻

holy shit that last line is absolutely raw. “you think youre the hero of your own story but youre barely even a footnote in everyone elses”

scope-dogg:

mr-sundowner:

valid target for home invasions

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jirachibaby:

mrkanman:

king minos: get this monster out of my sight!! put it in a labryinth so i never have to look at it again!! gods holy fuck!!!

the minotaur, born like a day ago:

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my hand slipped

so which one of you have the stronger powers?

Anonymous

scraps-is-busy:

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“Even if he didn’t agree to it, Scrappy is more powerful. I have more control, naturally.”

thestuffedalligator:

pointatthesky:

thestuffedalligator:

writing-prompt-s:

When you learned of the god of war, you thought he’d be tall and muscular and angry. When you were about to meet him, you braced yourself for the worst.

You weren’t quite expecting the short, scrawny, shy kid you ended up getting instead.

Olive skin, black hair, skinny, dirty face with pale lines where tears had sliced through the ash and dust. A white chiton dress and a threadbare shawl draped over her shoulders.

A pair of wings - huge, black vulture wings, far too large on her tiny body - were the only things that suggested she was divine.

The general shifted his weight from foot to foot. Obviously respect had to be given to gods, but… “Er - I’m sorry, I was invoking Ares? The god of war?”

The child god shrunk in on herself, and pulled the shawl over her shoulders. She muttered something. “Sorry?” the general asked.

“Ares is the god of slaughter,” the child god said in a slightly louder voice. “Not war.”

The general looked at the priest. The priest shrugged, clearly lost at sea. “Well,” the general said, “then maybe Athena? Goddess of tactics in war?”

“Tactics,” the child god repeated. “Not war.”

There was a long, ugly silence, as the huge vulture wings shifted with the whisper of brushing feathers. “My name is - was - Iphigenia. Daughter of Agamemnon, king of Mycenae, commander of the Greeks who stormed the walls of Troy. When my father disgraced Artemis, and the winds of Greece would not blow her battleships to Troy, I was brought to Aulis. For my wedding, I was told. I was-”

She sobbed. Teardrops dribbled off her chin and fell to the temple floor. “I was fourteen. And then I was brought to the highest altar in Aulis, and - and then - and-”

Another sob. “I was fourteen,” she said.

The vulture wings draped over her, and she disappeared under the cloak of black feathers. When they parted, and when the child god looked up at the general, he fell backwards. Those eyes. Eyes he’d seen a thousand times in battle -

“I am the true spirit of war, general,” the child god said. “I am the goddess of bloodshed, of sacrifice, of the slaughter of innocents. I am invoked when men ravage, burn and pillage. I am invoked when mothers cry out, when sons die, when daughters are stolen. I hear it all, general. I have heard it all since the fall of Troy.”

The terrible wings opened up. The child god loomed over the fallen man, twenty, thirty feet tall. Somewhere, the priest was screaming. “How dare you call upon my name.”

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God, I hope I spelled everything correctly, because it’s 2AM!

Do I know anything about military uniforms? No. Has there ever been such a scandalously short chiton dress? Possibly not. Did I check whether black vultures even live in Europe or North Africa before I started? No (and they live in the Americas, so Ifigenia having the wings of a black vulture is like a Meso-American god having tiger stripes, but it was too late to change). Did I start drawing this because I was super sad one day and wanted to draw something truly tragic? Absolutely!

Holy shit