Silver Tongue

youngstero:

one time at this bar mitzvah I was at the dj emcee guy was like “if your sock has a hole in it you get this piece of candy” so this kid tore a hole in this sock real quick and ran up there and then this dick dj goes “ALL SOCKS HAVE HOLES IN THEM!!!!” and starts raining down candy like it’s golden hellfire and I look at this kid and he’s crying while holding his shitty ruined sock

monsterlets:

monsterlets:
words of power do exist…. i can walk out of my apartment wearing the most fuck shit, e.g. swim trunks as shorts w a zipped up hoodie and no shirt underneath, and just say the words “laundry day” and suddenly it’s way less weird
“laundry day” spell: decreases target’s judgment of outfit by 80%

chefpyro:

chefpyro:
Cool shit: magic foci that double as melee weapons
Yall are thinking too small. A magic staff is good. You know what’s better? A magic staff with a big honking axe blade on it.
Put magic crystals in your sword pommels, turn your wand into the handle of a morningstar, there’s so much more fun stuff you can do, fellas.

first thing i was thinking of was jeweled brass knuckles

nofacednerd:

graffiticraft:
septic-dr-schneep:
isa-ghost:
zudoarchi:
saphore:
your last words before you die are the 3rd line of the last song you listened to. what are we saying ladies?
“Will I see you when the night is over?”
Fuck that’s kinda sad
“I’m stuck self-torturing, my meds are failing me.”
Oh.
“One side of me says ‘Stop so you don’t blow’; the other side says ‘What would I stop for?’”
RIP
“One more day of sorrow and I’ll struggle to stay sober”
Oh.
“You’re not worth fallen tears”
damn do I get murdered or something wtf