This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?
Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.
So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.
I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.
Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.
Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.
I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.
Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)
I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.
They didn’t like eye contact either.
Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.
Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.
“But they never talked!”
No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.
So you know what happened?
My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.
“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.
1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.
2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.
Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.
I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.
To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.
And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.
Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people
Have you ever read an article about the study that found that teaching the parents to cope with autistic kids yields better results than other therapies? Because this is exactly what they were talking about.
this is a fantastic short term solution. but what happens when that child goes out into the real world as an adult and has no verbal communication skills and still doesn’t know how to properly transition between activities? by not teaching them coping mechanisms you put them at a distinct disadvantage compared to the rest of their peers and I don’t think that’s fair.
Okay, first off, I don’t want you to feel that I skimmed your argument and chose to disagree on principal. I feel that I have read and understood your point of view, and am actively putting thought into composing a thoughtful response that conveys my perspective on the subject.
You have asked me what happens when an autistic child “goes out into the real world as an adult and has no verbal communication skills”.
The thing is, there are many adults who live perfectly well without verbal communication.
There are adults with hearing impairments who can’t verbalize their intentions.
There are adults with anxiety disorders who can’t verbalize their intentions.
There do, in fact, exist autistic adults who can’t verbalize their intentions.
I would not personally agree that forcing a child or adult to talk out loud -when it very obviously causes them stress, or when they are unable to do so- is a coping mechanism.
I would argue that a coping mechanism is something that one does to alleviate their own stress, not the stress of others.
Just as well there are, right now, at this very second, any number or real-life adult autistic people who actually do, at this minute, have a hard time transitioning between activities. I’m sure you could ask them what that’s like and you’d get a great number of autistic adults who do exist in the real world willing to tell you.
I’d like you to ask yourself, and I sincerely don’t mean to be condescending, a really quick question:
Is the problem Them, or is the problem You?
Furthermore, is there even a problem at all?
What I mean for you to ask, is: Is there a problem, or did you create one by being unwilling to compromise what makes you, personally, comfortable?
Are they doing something wrong, or are you valuing tradition over someone’s health and wellbeing?
Which is more valuable to you, in a society?
No child is ready to walk out and live life as an adult in the ‘real world’. That’s why they’re children. Raise them, whoever they are and whatever that means, into an adult who’s confident and kind. Let them speak to people who understand them, not just people who’ve studied them, because there is a difference, and children need more than anything to not feel alone. Everything else is secondary.
A point I hear a bunch is “autistic people need to learn how to communicate with everyone else”
A communication problem
Communication problems require (at minimum) two people to happen.
Yes it’s good for autistic folk to understand how non-autistic folk communicate
But it’s just as important for not autistic folk to learn
It’s almost like communication requires both people to work together.
It’s almost as if most of these communication “errors” arise because non autistic people flat out refuse to learn how to communicate with us, whilst demanding we communicate only how they dictate.
A lot of us know how to communicate nt just fine. (And I say just fine, but I mean: while enduring physical pain and stress). But they can’t be assed to use 3 calories to try to understand how -we- communicate. It’s just ableism wrapped in ignorance, wrapped in laziness.
Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ) was watching educational documentaries last night
No??? You can donate food that is given to people who want it. I haven’t heard of them being low on supplies. There has also been some food vendors there. But why would they be low on food ?? They are still in a city and people can come and go.
There’s been a widespread effort to start several lies about the CHAZ, including food scarcity and supposed chaos, but everyone I know locally who is there has said it’s all well supplied, calmly run, and feeling wonderfully supportive and communal.
Yeeeaaah, the Seattle Police Department has been running a constant disinformation campaign since we didn’t torch the police district like they wanted. They have been poking the bees nest that knows not to sting back and they are furious.
So here’s some accurate first-hand information:
-The Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is only in name. The people inside do not want to secede from the US, only make it and the city of Seattle better. This zone is just a project to show what life would look like if we didn’t live in constant fear of police making us criminals to inflate their budget and private prisons
-Local businesses are not being extorted like the SPD claims
-IDs are not checked at the border. I mean, what database are people supposed to check IDs through if they were?
-There are no warlords. The pictures of protesters with AR-15s you are seeing are after the people banded together when they heard there were heavily-armed white supremacists and neo-nazis marching up to face them (hoax broadcasted on the SPD scanners since they knew protesters were listening in and wanted to cause chaos)
-You may have heard of someone declaring himself the king of the area. There was someone that attacked a white artist for spraying over a black artist’s work and made those threats in the moment. The attacker has apologized to the white artist since. He is not recognized as the leader by anyone in the area since there is no leader
-SPD says they were ran out of their precinct. In reality, they emptied the building and left it before walking away, leaving the protesters to just… have it
-There’s no border. People can come and go as they please. The only barricades are to protect people inside since a police officer’s brother drove in the middle of the crowd and started shooting protesters a few nights prior
-There’s a QFC two blocks in one direction and a Safeway in the other direction. Since everyone can come and go as they please, there’s no sense to run out of food or any supplies
-Restaurants and residents are happy to see so much foot traffic! Business’s doors are open for people to use their bathrooms. Some are even offering free menu items! And it’s a lot better than the constant gunfire and teargassing the police offered. There was so much teargas the previous night (after the mayor promised a 30 day ban on teargas) it got into entire buildings’ AC systems, gassing everyone inside
-We are still paying sales and property taxes since we are still a part of the city and the state and don’t plan to secede. The threat to power and water is foolish unless the SPD want to be extra cruel
-There are plenty of water and medical supplies. Everyone from different parts of the city and the greater Seattle area are coming together to volunteer their time
-Just imagine a regular street fair or music festival where people hold public round table discussions on how to improve the city and fight racial injustice
-Most nights, the people in there watch educational documentaries on the struggles of black lives in America
-And tonight we played dodge ball
Take Away: We are proving that the police as they are now, do more harm to American communities than good. Abolish the police and restructure the city/state budget to improve communities. Put health and growth of citizens first. National news (especially conservative outlets) are lying to you. They are reporting only what the police are saying. The police are lying because we are threatening their paychecks and their military toys.
I am Silver Tongue, I am an artist. I have many characters and you can check out my art in the art tag. I occasionally practice witchcraft though I don't do anything too complicated. I am girl 2 and don't know what else to put here.
