nimium-amatrix-ingenii-sui:
thranduils:
things the tolkien biopic needs to include:
- tolkien being such a bad driver edith refused to ride in the car with him driving
- young tolkien and edith dropping sugar cubes on the heads of passerby from the second story of a tea room
- tolkien and lewis going to a non-costume party dressed as polar bears
- tolkien almost ending his friendship with lewis because he hated santa claus making an appearance in narnia so much
- tolkien’s entire writing group except for lewis fucking hating his writing because of all the elves
- literally everyone hating going for walks with tolkien because he would stop and stare at every tree he passed for like 20 minutes
- tolkien owning a goblet with the black speech (that he made up) on it and refusing to drink out of it because it’s an “accursed language”
- tolkien inventing the “one ring to rule them all” verse while in the bathtub and jumping out
- tolkien dressing up as an anglo saxon warrior and chasing his neighbors down the street with an axe
- tolkien entering the room shouting beowulf in old english at his students the first day of classes
- tolkien convincing his class that leprechauns were real
- tolkien stealing a city bus while attending oxford and taking his friends for a joy ride
- tolkien being a savage replying to a letter from the nazis
- tolkien hating the beatles with a passion and refusing to let them make a lotr movie
- tolkien hating his crazy american fans and calling them his “deplorable cultus”
- “jirt”
-
Not just the autobus hijack but ALSO the impassioned speech to the crowd
at the Martyr’s Memorial that followed afterwards (FËANOR IS THAT YOU?)
- Tolkien performing Sheridan’s The Rivals with his buddies in school, with Tolkien playing Mrs Malaprop, “excellent in every way and not least so in make-up“ according to the school newspaper
- Tolkien debuting at his school’s Debating Society with a motion “supporting the objects and tactics of the suffragettes“
- Tolkien being a brutal rugby player because he made up for his lack of size and strength with absolute ruthlessness
-
Tolkien doing a “fair imitation of a frenzied Bacchic dance” while
wearing nothing but a sheet and sandals after his graduation ceremony at
King Edward’s School
- Tolkien getting arrested when the police got involved in a town-vs-gown scuffle because he was small and scrawny
- Tolkien being invited to do a special lecture at the Essay Club in 1920 but then not knowing what to talk about so he talked about the Fall of Gondolin, with the poor minute-keeper spending a week in the Bodleian to find out what the heck Gondolin was
- In general, Tolkien’s awful procrastination habits
- Tolkien attempting to put the Silmarillion together for publication but playing round after round of Patience/ Solitaire instead
So what you’re saying is that Tolkien was such a mad lad that if there’s a movie made about him, he should be played by Jack black
