one night at 2 a.m. my boyfriend went into the kitchen and found this baby staring back at him thru the kitchen window
*knife thrower throws their blades at me but i, a sword swallower, swallow them all perfectly*
*eventually they run out of knives and i begin my first round of attack by spitting them back*
You fool, now they have more knives to throw
And so the cycle begins anew
did cinderella ever talk to her man about his faceblindness
#‘i met the perfect woman but it was a special occasion’#'so now wherever she is her makeup and hair are probably different’#'this is my nightmare’
rip prince charming, who had to let the whole kingdom make jokes about his foot fetish for the rest of his life because every blonde with an updo looks basically the same as far as he can tell
they call him prince charming because he’s always really polite to strangers to cover for the fact that he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to recognize them from somewhere and when you’re a prince that shit starts wars
Okay now hold up. The fairy godmother used magic to make sure nobody would be able to recognize Cinderella. If you wanna blast someone for facial blindness, then roast prince eric who couldnt remember the vibrant red hair of ariel.
The vibe station…..
*sticks fingers in the table holes*
*gets fingers stuck and quietly tries to subtly pull them out so people don’t realize but that shit hurts like a bitch, so its hard to keep your cool.“
*lays across it like a french girl and deep throats pizza sticks*
