anachronic-cobra:

Alien: You’re telling me that in times of great distress humans have been known to suddenly gain the strength necessary to lift objects more than a dozen times their own weight?!

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Alien: Fuck you and your entire species of tiny juggernauts.

you should leap through the window like an action film

imsoweirdimnotanitimanith:

saintcranky:

shannonride223:

generallkenobi:

chancethereaper:

accioharo:

lesbianshepard:

A giant, black, sarcophagus has been found in Alexandria and I could not be more excited about it. 

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If we do open it we could find

  • The tomb of Alexander the Great (Coolest possible answer. Probably the coolest thing we’ve found in my lifetime unless aliens decide to show up.)
  • Rando important Egyptian Pharaoh ( Also cool answer. Definitely an awesome find.)
  • An ancient and unspeakable evil (We haven’t had a good ol’ doomsday level curse in a good long while. Definitely overdue for this one)

It’s a win/win/win scenario. 

I’m Mike Drucker in this situation

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This is so goth

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THEY’RE GONNA OPEN IT

UPDATE: THEY OPENED IT!

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https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/988872/egypt-tomb-sarcophagus-Alexander-the-Great-Giza-Plateau/amp

#excited about the possibility of Alexander the Great#sad about the fact it’s not an ancient world-ending curse

same

it’s 2018 in this bitch and we’re all just ready for the destruction of humanity

Can some necromancers resurrect Alexander he great so the wold can get destroyed a little?

mindareadsoots:
“Oh, absolutely!
I want somebody to draw a comic of Connie reacting to Nephrite’s facet number.
“Wait! Did you say Facet-413?”
“Umm, yeah…”
“OuO”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“And isn’t Nephrite a type of Jade?”
“I… I...

mindareadsoots:

Oh, absolutely!

I want somebody to draw a comic of Connie reacting to Nephrite’s facet number.

“Wait! Did you say Facet-413?”
“Umm, yeah…”
“OuO”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“And isn’t Nephrite a type of Jade?”
“I… I suppose so…”
“Why is everything always so wonderful?”

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mamoru:

mamoru:

[inhales]

no matter how much you like the detroit game. please. please do not get an identification number tattoo.

i can not believe there is actually a need for people to say this

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found here

yeah

i do not want to out whoever got the tattoo. but. if you know someone considering doing this, stop them

beinganocturnalsoul:

discord: goes down for 1 minute

everyone:

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peopel whove only heard the remix: 

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Me an intulectual:

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Alphys should have gotten a roomba
Anonymous

from-93-till:

themaynards624:

Can’t… stop… watching

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