impalalord:

We abducted humans.

To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).

But we underestimated humans.

It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.

But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.

Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.

But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.

He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.

We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.

furrypost-generator:

Todd Howard reveals new elder scrolls game where you can only play as uncomfortably attractive Khajiits

This is the opposite of a problem

Ling: Hey, it’s your turn to wash dishes.
Greed: I’ll wash the walls red with your blood.
Ling: Okay. But before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time.

barricorn:

joshpeck:

shitpostgenerator:

too many people

shitpostgenerator is going to kill us all

image
autumngracy:
“ internetdumpsterfires:
“Thought this belonged here.
”
jesus fucking christ
”
using the flag to advertise selling goods is legally desecration. using the presidency to increase your personal businesses is unconstitutional and illegal.

autumngracy:

internetdumpsterfires:

Thought this belonged here.

jesus fucking christ

using the flag to advertise selling goods is legally desecration. using the presidency to increase your personal businesses is unconstitutional and illegal.

purplebarbarianpony:

gentlemanpenguin:

worldhammerer:

this new fallout is gonna be set in formerly-american-occupied Canada, where people have formed a culture around the Grognak the Barbarian comics but are under assault from Caesar’s Legion. Deathclaws have mutated to have wings. you arrive in the gamespace on a cart, awaiting execution

HEY WAIT A SECOND

image
stevetwisp:
“ magnus introducing taako to his dogs
(thank u @anxietycheese for this one!!!!!!!!!!!!)
”

stevetwisp:

magnus introducing taako to his dogs

(thank u @anxietycheese for this one!!!!!!!!!!!!)

alexander:
“ max-vandenburg:
“ awesomacious:
“Fresh tasting coffee
”
Your grandpa is the funniest fucker on the world wide web
”
next level tide pod challenge
”

alexander:

max-vandenburg:

awesomacious:

Fresh tasting coffee

Your grandpa is the funniest fucker on the world wide web

next level tide pod challenge

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

wanna know what mental image just crept into my brain?

a clown funeral where the pallbearers accidentally drop the casket and like fifteen dead clowns fall out

image

max garcia here gets it