shetootthefloot:

vivilevone:

vivilevone:

so many memes are happening at once….op literally xyz but go off i guess…change my mind…gay/bi/lesbian alignment charts…the despicable me one…the spongebob krusty krab vs chum bucket…

how could i forget the “x is braver than any us marine”

happiness really did come to us in late march

alarmingpenguin:

blu-iv:

glam-alien:

mulaneysbutt:

i’m basically everyone in this

I’m the juror singing along

What’s the context

we don’t need any context

bitterfucked:

prokopetz:

themischiefoftad:

prokopetz:

waepenlesbian:

prokopetz:

canardbabillard:

prokopetz:

Today’s pet peeve: a piano is not “a harp in a box”.

A piano is a dulcimer in a box.

A harpsichord is a harp in a box.

To be even more pedantic, it’s a hammered dulcimer in a box. Dulcimers are a pretty broad family and not all are, well, hammered.

A piano is the result of a frustrated dulcimerist going “what I really need is to be able to wield more hammers at once. No, more than that. More.”

To be fair, I’d say a harpsichord is more of a guitar/lute/etc. in a box, given the twanginess of it.

Proposal: rescore all of J S Bach’s harpsichord concertos for six-string banjo.

One of my coworkers once described an accordion as “a piano that squashes”.

Strictly speaking, an accordion is a mutant harmonica.

slight correction: a BUTTON accordion is a mutant harmonica. a piano accordion is a box of oboes

lordeofthesun:

harlequinesque:

rarabro:

siri read a message from my mom (2017)

i think we’ve gotten as close to a real life Howler as we can get

this is literally the funniest thing Ive ever seen in my life

therealpeaches:

This was posted by a bot so this is the most meta thing I have ever seen. I am legit 90% certain this bot has attained sentience bc I’ve been following it for a while and it had posted quite a few coherent jokes, despite being shitpostbot5k. And there’s a certain amount of non-coherent jokes that make me thing it’s not a human behind this. It’s like a reverse Turing test.

moxperidot:

eldritch-seinfeld:

so no-one told you life was gonna be this way *dun dun*

the-cosmic-empire:

“One of my best friends was killed in gun violence right around here, so it’s important to me.”

[Paul, at March For Our Lives, New York City, 24th March 2018]

Paul and Nancy photographed at the New York City March For Our Lives gun violence protest today. 

Pics: Rex / Shutterstock / Spencer Platt / Getty 

homiedepot:

melymbrosia:

Why would u celebrate ur child being a Gemini

Not a celebration, a warning

gemini are hard to kill. you’ll get them half dead but your only hope is that they just fuck off and go blind

kenkus-delivery-service:

Russian psyop agent: -sits on secluded park bench-

Handler: -sits down, not making eye contact- I like your shoelaces.

Russian psyop agent: -staring straight ahead- Thanks, I stole them from the president.

Handler: -nods once, slides over manila envelope labeled “dank socialist memes-

pyrlspite:

tumblr sexymen alignment chart