Even funnier thing to imagine: resurrecting Diogenes too and telling him that “Platonic” relationships means not fucking, he’d probably laugh himself back to death.
So I actually know the origin of this term because it came up when I studied Plato in my classes. Basically, in ancient Greece it was a super common practice for teachers to fuck their students. Like all the time. It was considered a way for the student to “pay” the teacher. Plato thought this was bullshit. He felt that a student could not properly learn from someone who was truly only interested in having sex with them. He didn’t fuck his students and derided those who did. Other teachers who refused to fuck their students were said to have “platonic” teaching relationships with them – so named because they were following Plato’s example. So the reason it’s called a Platonic relationship is because Plato was heavily anti-teachers-fucking-their-students and it’s one of the few things he was ever even remotely correct about.
The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”
it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.
Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:
‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’
And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”
And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”
Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.
“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”
^this is my new life
im crying thanks for this
Another point in the direction of Gerald White Not Being Sirius Black is that everyone knows Sirius Black hated Severus Snape.
Gerald White bakes the ungrateful dungeon bat cookies and is always polite to him. It so nice that Gerald really wants to be friends.
okay i know gerald white probably wears clark kent glasses but like, i kept imagining groucho marx glasses
you can see the disappointment in every pixel of his low poly face
until i recently played this game I always thought these were fake subtitles
so was the convention in baltimore named after metal gear or was metal gear named after the convention in baltimore or is it the world’s worst coincidence
have you ever wondered why anime people have such big eyes like this:
that’s because of scrooge mcduck
Osamu Tekuza. creator of Astro Boy and often called “The Godfather of Anime,” was a big fan of the Scrooge McDuck comics from back in the fifties and when he created Astro Boy, he based his art style on the Scrooge McDuck comics
so basically this character
who serves as the visual basis for the modern-day anime art style was inspired by this
which means that every time you get horny for this
or for these guys
you’re actually getting your jollies from the great grandkids of this motherfucker
No joke.
please don’t fuck the duck
Now I read all this with my both eyes and now it is your turn
it gets better
a lil while ago, tezuka’s daughter unlocked his work desk
what was inside?
a whack load of furry and transformation porn including one of a woman turning into a boob snake, locked away for SPECIAL OCCASION
when you are fapping to anime tiddies, you are fapping to the legacy of a furry artist
All anime tiddies descend from a literal furry’s admiration of a Charles Dickens duck-AU fanfiction character.
this website is informative, i learn something new every day here. thank you tumblr community and staff.
I am Silver Tongue, I am an artist. I have many characters and you can check out my art in the art tag. I occasionally practice witchcraft though I don't do anything too complicated. I am girl 2 and don't know what else to put here.
