Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man’s boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you’re excited about it.
crane husband…..
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s. The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris–and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent. (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)
It worked!
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility–sometimes the biological dad and his mate–both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them. (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird. White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive. (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she’s simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and “sitting” on artificial eggs so she thinks he’s performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
“chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES.” (alternately: “chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She’s 36, she’s very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! …Is there a downside? WELL…”)
chris sits any potential human partners down, like “my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already… Attached” (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) “Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding… the relationship is open, but very committed”
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he ‘married’ to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
If your cat is curious abt what you’re eating always let em have a lil whiff. 9/10 times they don’t even wanna eat it they just wanted to know what it was. it’s cute
*WWHEEZEE*
“sexy” lord licorice looks like if someone tried making white dr facilier
i do wish caliborn and karkat had interacted once. I want to see the Implications of that even if purely from color meta standpoint
like at this point its common fucking knowledge caliborns behind the lime genocide on alternia, hes pulling the strings and orchestrated the perfect fucked up planet for children to brutalize each other for his entertainment cool, and then as a bonus he wipes out the entire caste that reminds him of his sister. so i just want to get his thoughts on the troll technically of his sisters blood but carries his own hue and like, general superficial mannerisms and temperament. a troll made in his own image made to suffer on the planet he made
not enough people talk about this but matpat’s transphobic
see this girl? this is vivian from paper mario. vivian here, is a trans girl. so what does she have to do with matthew patthew?
well, in his “Game Theory: Are Video Games Anti-LGBT?” video (starting around the 10:08 mark), he starts off by describing her as “a male who identifies as a female”, repeatedly refers to vivian with masculine pronouns, and later says “a cross-dressing villain gets redeemed, huzzah!”. i know this video was made about 3 years ago, but if this, along with the whole reasoning for the “what is pyro’s gender” thing is any indication, then i’d take this as a warning to stay away from Matthew Patthew and his videos.
someone replied to this post trying to convince me he wasnt transphobic and all i gotta say is: matrick patrick hasn’t really changed that much.
I’m not really sure about whether he apologized for it or not, but he had a very ableist video diagnosing mario with ASPD, Calling him an “Actual Sociopath/Psychopath” (My memory is fuzzy) in the same video he pulls attention to his cruelty.
I am Silver Tongue, I am an artist. I have many characters and you can check out my art in the art tag. I occasionally practice witchcraft though I don't do anything too complicated. I am girl 2 and don't know what else to put here.
