i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaney’s “horse loose in the hospital” bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HE’S NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WE’VE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the child, and then, 5 miles under the capital city, an evil homunculus was like, “I have a huge transmutation circle and I’m going to kill everyone to become god!” And before we could say anything, the child was like, “If you even fucking look at Amestris, I will punch you to death with my fists. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can take my unresolved daddy issues out on you, I’m so fucking crazy.”
broke: install a second moon to make it even brighter at night
woke: quiet the fucking oceans the dolphins cant fuck like this. soundproof your fucking marine equipment 2019
Next time you go walking around barefoot in the water…
NOPE
No worries, that’s a Bobbit Worm. They live on the ocean floor, and unless you’re able to withstand a ton of pressure, you likely wouldn’t have your toesies nipped off by one since they live deeper than people walk on the ocean floor.
Bobbit Worms are kinda cool. And they were named after Laurena Bobbit, who cut off her abusive husband’s penis and threw it out of her car window as she drove off.Wait.
You know, the news is really sheltering gentiles from the full horror of what happened this morning when they keep using the phrase “Brit Milah.” Yes, that’s what was happening in the synagogue this morning, but do you know what it is?
It’s a baby naming.
Every bit as important as a christening or first birthday.
That is what this shooter opened fire on. A baby naming with people praying for that baby’s health and happiness and future.
