yourplayersaidwhat:

Context: playing Curse of Strahd. Players are in a town that the vampire couldn’t get into and pissed him off, and so clouds full of lighting with his face appeared over them and was hitting the general area with lighting.

Fighter: literally has 5 hp left “Ha! That’s right! Why don’t you come down here and fight like a man?!”

Monk: has 6 hp and no Ki left “oh no.”

Paladin: not wearing armor, has 9 hp “you didn’t.”

Fighter: “what?”

DM: “… so another flash of light hits the ground, and Strahd appears before you. He thanks you for the invitation.”

Everyone starts screaming.

shanaanime:

cutec3:

:’D

For Shame Hank

garden-frog:

little debate

ruinedchildhood:

when your free trial runs out

caprisunsport:

kickable:

killin-the-machine:

genuine-blogging:

“Elon’s Musk”

I can’t say I’ve ever viscerally hated another person before but now I’m quite confident

Is this for real? Is this actually something that’s happening in the Real Life World?? Isn’t this like #3 on the list of villain ideas, always???

yeah

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.

Hairdresser: pretty simple

Me: this is chemistry

Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way

Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?

Me: apprentice

Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?

Me: I didn’t know that was a thing

Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.

Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator. 

Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?

Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs

Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen? 

Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer

Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?

Me: yeah

Hairdresser: while still in school?

Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases

Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine 

Me: oh thank god

Five Minutes Later

Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves

Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?

Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one

second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious

Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us

Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that

disdainful:

Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good

aspiringwarriorlibrarian:

lesbwian:

Superheroes that are like “if we kill them we’re just as bad as they are uwu” ? Micro dick energy

The only exception is Aang, whose whole “I’m not gonna kill him if i can find another way” thing is less false moral equivalency and more “I’m twelve and I have been through way too much bullshit this year to add ‘commit my first murder’ to the list.”

thyrell:

i think yall are just pretending to have an excess of black bile so the doctors will give you more leeches

stephaniebrown: