I met Markiplier in a grocery store, but when I went up to him to say hello I said “why the fuck are you in Canada?” instead and he looked like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been before yelling “DISTRACTION!” and throwing a box of Kleenex at my head. When I looked back, he was barreling toward the exit.
I didn’t read the URL and I still accepted that this was an actual event that happened
Seriously.
4 years ago, I’m cashiering at a whacky mart on a register that holds
all the smokes and alcohol. It’s 10pm and these two young men (early
20s) come up to the counter. They have three random novelty items (I
don’t remember they were), but it was strange and unusual to get odd
items this late at night. Maybe it was for some fraternity, I don’t
know. It’s a college town so I get weird stuff from frats a lot. I scan
the items and tell them their total is $22.xx.
Grinning at each other, they reach into their jackets and slam down
two gallon zip-lock bags, full of only pennies. I stare them in the eye,
but they didn’t even look back at me. Everyone else in line groan and
went to other registers. These two kids knew what they were doing, but
they didn’t know what they were in for because I prepared for this; I
knew this was going to inevitably happen. I grinned with them, because I
was gonna get paid during this. These pranksters are here for
recreation. This convo occurs between Me, Ringleader (the other guy was
silent and awkward), and a friendly coworker of mine.
Me: Is this $22.xx?
Ringleader: …
Me: Did you count it?
Ringleader: Nope.
Me: Are you going to?
Ringleader: Nope.
Me: Is it at least $22.xx?
Ringleader: Don’t know.
Me: Nice.
Coworker: Hey! You guys can use the self checkout. It can take all of your coins at once.
Me: Oh, don’t worry about it Cowor–
Ringleader: Nope, don’t trust them lady. (Partner laughs)
Coworker: What? Why!?
Ringleader: Doesn’t count all your change right.
Coworker: I’ve used them before. It really works!
Me: (to Coworker) I got this.
I unpacked the ziplocks and threw all the pennies on the counter. It
was a beautiful, massive shitstorm of a mess. And I digged in it. I was
Frank in a dumpster in ‘It’s Always Sunny’. The two, still averting my
gaze, start chuckling as if they were taking away my dignity. They
whisper to each other “Dude oh my God,” “Dude yeah,” “Dude, hilarious.”
I counted each penny, one by one. My coworker comes up to me.
Coworker: Guess I’ll help you count this.
Me: Don’t worry about it.
(She looks at me confused. Then she puts on her ‘get down to busy’ look.)
Coworker: I got your back.
Me: Oh…ok.
We worked up a system where we counted ten, put them in a pile, then
with ten stacks of ten pennies we separated them, making $1 piles. We
made progress slowly but surely. Some customers came to the line, but we
advised them to get to another line. Some of them looked at us
confused, but when they saw the counter full of pennies they understood.
Some decided to wait, but when they realized it wasn’t going to take
just a few minutes they took their leave. Another register in the liquor
department opened so it wasn’t too bad for other customers. We get to
about $12 (about 10min in) until I “knocked” over the piles.
Coworker: Neontonsil!
Me: Oops. Sorry.
(Coworker looks at my grin. I give her a wink and tilt my head, motioning her to leave)
Coworker: You know what, I think I better let you do this.
Me: Ha, alright.
(Coworker leaves. I look at the two guys. They are absolutely stunned at the fallen piles of pennies.)
Me: (To Ringleader) Yeah, I’m going to have to count all of this again.
Ringleader: ….Ok.
I started from zero. I count slower then ever, and made my way back
up. The duo is entirely silent. I get to about $7, when suddenly I say:
Me: Drats. I lost count. I better start all over again.
Ringleader: Really?
Me: Oh yeah man.
Ringleader: Why!?
Me: I lost count, sir. I could be in trouble if my register doesn’t
have the right amount of cash, and I don’t want to rip you off.
Ringleader: …
It’s about an hour later. My manager walks past, looks at me. I smile
at him, and he looks at the counter. He walks away without a word. I
eventually count all the change and surprisingly they had only $18!
Me: Hmm, I think that this is $18.
(The duo has been dead silent. They look done for the night.)
Me: I’ll recount it.
I fucking recounted it.
Me: I think this is actually $19.xx.
(Without a word, the Ringleader whips out a $5)
Me: Seriously? You had cash?
Ringleader: Needed to get rid of my change.
Me. No problem. I’ll just recount this again. I want to make
perfectly sure that this is $19, since I counted $18 the first time.
Ringleader: Are you kidding me?
(I shake my head no, completely serious)
He takes out a $20 bill straight out of his pocket and throws it at
me. My coworker gives the biggest WHAT THE FUCK face. Internally, I die
as well, because they were smart enough to have a backup plan. And the
fact that he was touching his cash in his pocket the entire time kinda
messed with me. I take the cash, do the transaction, give him his
change, thanked him and wished him a good night. The two start to put
their pennies back in the ziplock bags and I didn’t help them at all. I
watched them just as how they watched me. Lots of pennies dropped to the
floor, but they didn’t care to pick them up. It looked like their souls
were sucked out of them. It was past midnight and I clocked out way
past when I was supposed to. A lot of my coworkers gave me a thumbs up
or told me good night. Even my manager told me ‘good job,’ the only two
words he ever said to me. Went to bed at the dorms after such a great
petty penny night and crashed. Strange to say, but I’d love to count
pennies again.
TL;DR I recounted 1900 pennies like 5 times. Was it 5 times? I better count again.
This is the kind of spite I live for
The term for this, if you didn’t already know it, is “malicious compliance”.
Concept: That scene in every 90s high school movie where someone shows the new kid around the cafeteria (”that table is the nerds, those are the jocks, the goths, the cheerleeders” etc) except it’s a medieval tavern and each table has a different d&d class.
Those are the arcane casters. They all sit together, but the wizards think the sorcerers are undisciplined cheaters and the sorcerers think the wizards are pretentious dicks. You don’t wanna get in the middle of that–the last person who tried got polymorphed into a toad. I guess he had a lot of debts he was looking to get out of, though, so he just rolled with it. He’s somebody’s familiar now, I think.
The bards used to sit with them, but they broke off a while ago to do their own thing. Look, I should tell you right now: you’re poetically gonna sleep with at least one of them. It’s happened to most of us, so don’t be embarrassed. If you’re lucky, you might get away with just a ballad to your beauty parodying an 80s rock hit.
The paladins are at the next table over. Religious freaks, but if you’re getting bullied they’ll have your back even if they don’t know you. You, uh…you might end up sleeping with some of them, too. Look, they’re really good listeners, okay? Whatever.
The druids. Don’t even THINK of trying to sit with them unless you’re rocking a negative carbon footprint. Or if you can turn into a bear or a slow loris or something, they love that shit.
The rogues are…they’re around here somewhere.
i would be down to watch a fantasy version of meangirls
im still getting used to the new hanzos… well, everything on console. but today i seduced roughly three mercys with basic human decency and i headshot a pharah out of the sky TWICE so everything’s coming up hanzo
I am Silver Tongue, I am an artist. I have many characters and you can check out my art in the art tag. I occasionally practice witchcraft though I don't do anything too complicated. I am girl 2 and don't know what else to put here.
