masterpost
rolling a 1 on resist intrusive thoughts
the best part of this is that he “wasn’t charged with a crime because there is nothing against the law about driving a truck through a house, as long as it’s your truck and your house”
vicious mockery is my favorite spell in dungeons and dragons because like
A) it does decent damage
B) it’s a cantrip
so canonically, a talented musician can murder commonfolk by hurling a single insult at them (average damage at 17+ level is 10, max 16.). imagine a chaotic evil bard who becomes a serial killer and the local guards are afraid to pursue him because you might go up and say “you’re under arrest” but then he just retorts ‘your mom is under arrest” and you fucking die on the spot
that same musician, if he can manage to successfully insult the world’s most fearsome ancient dragon 55 times without dying first… it dies. a process which would still take only about 11 minutes (assuming the bard has a spell DC of 19, meaning the dragon would fail about 50% of the saves.)
A Bard could kill a dragon over the course of a single Roast session.
I want to see a character built entirely around this single mechanic
someone who is being a massive douche: but I’m a *~minor~* umu’“
me, swatting them with a newspaper: MINORS WILL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS
being a minor doesn’t give you a free pass to be a disgusting piece of shit
what being a minor could plausibly be a legitimate excuse for: saying some shitty things before you had a chance to understand the full scope of the issue because you werent exposed to it in your household/were kinda sheltered but then growing up and realizing what you did was bad
actual bullshit: “it doesnt matter if i sent them massive amounts of anon hate/doxxed them/told them to kill themselves, they told me to fuck off so they were harassing me, a literal child!!!!”
This isn’t hyperbole I’ve dealt with these yibyobs and the above might as well be in quotes
tumblr cant even make a blacklist function wtf makes them think they can make a competent sensitive material algorithm
me at a baseball game, vending fleshlights: PUSSY GETCHA PUSSY HERE
some guy 3 rows over: HEY OVER HERE
me: *whips a red hot fleshlight behind my back straight to his dick*
