steampunkepsilon:

bassiter:

while looking up 1950s slang, i found the phrase “come on snake, let’s rattle,” which has 2 meanings: asking someone to dance, and challenging someone to a fight

and. hhhooooooooo boy does that fact have some Potential

Invite your crush to the dance floor, but instead they just fuckin deck you

powerjock:

drgnfckr:

powerjock:

drgnfckr:

blackoutthestars:

humoristics:

Nissan has invented self ‘parking’ chairs. [video]

@captaintoxrogers Trudy needs these 😂

what happens if u clap during the meeting

have you ever been to a meeting? nobody claps. nobody wants to be there. meetings are hell and clapping is the last thing you want to do.

but what if u knew clapping would make dickhead john from accounting spill his coffee on his stupid fucking tie

you know what i was wrong and you are right that would change everything this is revolutionary technology and i welcome it and its chances to fuck over eli from marketing hell fucking yea

uneasyuniverse:

“I just don’t know what Topaz would do without Topaz.”

a cutie pie for a cutie pie aka @jazzuli  <3

photoshopgrumps:

Grump with a Pearl Earring

A true masterpiece.

brayroo:

being ace with a sex drive is basically always being slightly hungry but when people ask what you’re in the mood for you have no idea

jaymamon:

Garf

mmoxie:

merle highchurch spotted at winco foods

imoldbutimstillintothat:

bonitabreezy:

sunnysrecovery:

deliciouslysporadiccollection:

didi-is-spiffy:

lesbian-lizards:

tyradicalsaurusreg:

tobbun:

ofools:

blacklaceandcombatboots:

parentheticalaside:

The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]

who wrote this, expose him

my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.

My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.

I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN

That was difficult to read.

So ugly

My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED

You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”.
I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.

“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”