I hate hate HATE all those 2edgy 4me theories about kids shows. Like Angelica dreaming up the rugrats, or the ed, edd, and eddy children being ghosts, or literally anything that takes a lighthearted and fun kids show and has to turn it into some tragic take of rape or murder or misinformed mental illness.
So you know what? From now on I’m gonna do the exact opposite. Every cool grim-dark show is now because of a bunch of children. To get us started:
Game of Thrones: A middle-school DnD campaign with the most angry, vindictive DM who has promised to kill everyone’s player characters (and their family) by the end.
The Walking Dead is actually a bunch of kids playing zombie apocalypse in their neighborhood and every time someone “dies,” it’s because their parents called them home for supper.
Breaking Bad is actually just a fanfic the students in Mr. White’s class write about him because no one has any idea what he does with his free time and the running jokes about it got wildly out of hand.
These are all officially my headcanons for the actual shows now
let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon.
picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then.
every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising.
i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog.
i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then.
i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning.
i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes.
or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window.
ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas.
remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam?
i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water.
and now look at it.
i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know?
if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kind who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were.
i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late.
DM: Guys, these NPCs had a really shitty plan. A really stupid, shitty plan. And not a single one of you questioned it even once. You just went with it and made it even shittier.
Cleric: I don’t think so. I think we took their shitty plan and made it slightly better.
Wizard: I don’t think that statement is true. That implies that we have a plan of our own and know what we’re doing.
A CROW TRIED TO GO IN OUR CLASSROOM AND HE HAD A PEN
yes hello i am here to learn geometries
That crow is more prepared than some of my students.
You’ve all just like, completely skipped over the possibility that this crow has seen people using pens in this room, found one, and is trying to return it. There’s been videos of crows picking up sweet wrappers and stuff and placing them in bins after seeing humans put their litter in bins. I really do believe that this crow is trying to return the pen and that is ADORABLE AS HELL.
THEY ARE SO SMART I LOVE THEM
Crows are thought to be self aware by some scientists. Its perfectly possible the crow wants to return the pen to humans. Knowing it belongs to humans.
Corvids. Who KNOWS. :)
Another cool crow deal: Once, when trying to assess if crows could reason and use tools, scientists had two crows who didn’t know each other each take a wire from a table (one was hooked, one was straight) and try to grab meat from a bottle with it. The crows could see each other, though they had separate bottles. Only the straight wire worked for this, so they hypothesized that if crows could reason, the second trial would have the two crows fighting over the straight wire. The second trial started and, to the surprise of the scientists, the two crows both went for the bent wire, one held it down and the other unbent it. They both got meat out of their bottles. They came to a peaceful solution without verbal communication. Crows are probably smarter than we are.
they still shit all over the place and eat garbage
ok but so do we
did you know any corpse in disneyland is taken off park property to be pronounced dead?
Dear mansplaining morons who think “Batman could totally win a fight with Wonder Woman”
- an average human dude - has no superpowers to speak of - trained fighting for like, 10, 20 years tops - uses fancy but breakable human-made gadgets
Diana
- literally a deity - “only a god can kill another god” - trained fighting for 500 to 2,000 years (depending on who you ask) under Antiope, the greatest general in the history of a legendary warrior race - can fly - can literally level a building with a single punch - can control lightning - able to take punches by someone capable of crumbling a gun with their bare hands - can toss a tank with her bare hands like it’s nbd - has magical weapons originally made for & owned by gods
Being a man doesn’t give you the ability to defeat a deity who’s trained forcenturies under the best of the best, has magic powers, and magic weapons, you twats.
Being a man doesn’t make you better than a deity.
No being a man doesn’t make you better than a woman, being Batman makes you better than a woman, what people always seem to forget is that on top of all the money and gadgets Batman is an expert in all forms of martial arts, a master tactician, and the smartest member of the justice league, if anyone has a weakness he knows it, and he has contingency plans for all members of the justice leagues, so yes while Wonder Woman would probably win in a fair fight you have to remember that Batman doesn’t fight fair
“what people always seem to forget is that on top of all the money and gadgets Batman is an expert in all forms of martial arts, a master tactician, and the smartest member of the justice league”
1. …Did you actually read my original post? At all?
I’m perfectly aware of Batman’s fighting abilities and tactical skills.
However, you’re blatantly ignoring the fact that while Bruce is “an expert in all forms of martial arts [and] a master tactician” SO IS DIANA.
What’s more, you’re also ignoring the fact that Diana has trained for between 25 to 100 times longer than Bruce has, and under MUCH more qualified and skilled tutors than the League of Shadows could ever hope to be in their wildest dreams.
Like I point out in my original post, Bruce has trained for maybe 20 yearsunder the instruction of some rando ninja assassins.
Diana trained for 500-2,000 years (depending on which version of her you’re going with), and her instructor was either the greatest general in history or War itself. And you can bet your ass her training included tactical planning.
As Batman once put it, “she’s skilled… a warrior born”.
So in arguing that “he could beat her because of his training” what you’re saying is that a man with only 20 years of training could beat someone who’s trained between 25 to 100 times longer than he has.
That makes as much sense as saying a guy with no training whatsoever could beat Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan.
“if anyone has a weakness he knows it, and he has contingency plans for all members of the justice leagues”
We’ve literally seen Batman try and fight Wonder Woman
HE LOST
BADLY
Wonder Woman is a better fighter, she’s a better tactician and she’s stronger and faster than Bruce will ever be
Putting this for more evidence.
Fuck fake fanboys who don’t know shit. Batman could never beat Wonder Woman. And Bruce knows it.
And Bruce admits it freely because he has no delusions regarding his own abilities. Or hers.
It’s the fake fanboys who are deluded.
you know what, i’m pretty sure batman himself would be the first to demolish idiotic batman stans who think he can beat anyone and everyone because he’s sooooo smart. one of his greatest strengths is a realistic assessment of his abilities. he would not thank you for trying to make a god of him.
and diana, well… literal demigod. don’t be an idiot.
there are only two ways diana has been defeated that i know of, neither of which batman could ever possibly do. one was a massive atomic explosion that destroyed all life on the planet and the other was sending wave after wave of fighters for weeks on end to fight her to exhaustion. Batman can never hope to do either of these and millions will die before diana is beaten
I am Silver Tongue, I am an artist. I have many characters and you can check out my art in the art tag. I occasionally practice witchcraft though I don't do anything too complicated. I am girl 2 and don't know what else to put here.
