Silver Tongue

filibusterfrog:

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castielismycherrypie:
“ hermionemollycharliepond:
“ just-raowolf:
“ edenwolfie:
“ my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking...

castielismycherrypie:

hermionemollycharliepond:

just-raowolf:

edenwolfie:

my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe

We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.

First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths,“ I snapped. ”Get on Asda’s website right now.“ His face froze.

A-Asda?” he whispered. “But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.

This was a good start.

We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast,” he said.

Toast,“ I said. ”Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—

Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.

You WHAT?“ I choked. ”You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?

He frowned. “Who doesn’t?

Okay,“ I said, ”but what will the children eat?

He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?

We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes,“ he agreed; ”if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.

He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh,“ I said. ”Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.

But I’m not.

Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—

We’re married!?

Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?

He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.

We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay,“ he said, clearly thinking hard; ”for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?

Vegetarian.

Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.

We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.

You and your children!“ he yelled, and the whole class looked around.

They’re your children too!” I screamed back.

He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!

Please,“ I cried, standing up also. ”Don’t—

I want a divorce!

And he walked out of the classroom.

The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry,“ I whispered, ”but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.

I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.

READ THE WHOLE THING

I AM DYING

just-shower-thoughts:

Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

a-vodka-mutini:
“baby girl
”

a-vodka-mutini:

baby girl

scotchtapeofficial:

kramergate:

the-pink-owl:

thisisspinaltapprivilege:

kramergate:

solicitant:

kramergate:

I hate to ask but I have to know - what are the serial killer fandom blogs looking like on this day

oh, y’know

image

the usual

welcome to my dark human psyche

I mean, it could be worse. Could be someone who celebrated what he did.

Have some more:

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“i know he was a bad guy im just interested in him from a PSYCHOLOGICAL standpoint! so much can be learned by studying him!!”

“that’s true, so what kind of information are you learning abo-“

“like just how DARK and like FUCKED UP he is right? like how TWISTED and just MESSED UP it is to do that shit like it’s just so mental and fucked but we are all fucked up and twisted in our own rose thorns ..”

peteseeger:
“ gorps:
“what the fuck does this mean
”
Innuendo
”

peteseeger:

gorps:

what the fuck does this mean

Innuendo

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

strangely-normal:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

peppersheart:

alittlebiteverything:

i’m 101% sure that this entire line was improv and tom couldn’t help it

“Yeah, that was basically, we did about six different versions of that story, and that was just us standing around while the cameras were rolling and I would just feed them lines and feed Chris ideas for stories. I’d say, “Do another one, in this one say: ‘I was walking through a field, and I saw a lovey Turkish rug in the middle of the grass, and I love Turkish rugs, so I went to stand on it, and it was Loki, and he turned back into Loki and there was a hole and I fell through the hole was was impaled on a whole lot of spikes.’” So we did versions of that, and the one with the snake just ended up being the one we used.”
—Taika Waititi, Empire Magazine Podcast, 6/11/17, 00:23:25 (x)

AMAZING

I choose to beliee every version of this story is true

and is just a different tale of when Loki turned into something ridiculous

and tried to murder his brother

I don’t know what makes this funnier, the idea that Loki kept trying the same prank, or that Thor kept falling for it.

Thor: OH LOOK A PUPPY

Loki: WAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH

Thor: OH NO IT’S YOU AGAIN!

ceshira:
“ Another birthday, another year closer to becoming a real life Mandy.
Instagram Link
”

ceshira:

Another birthday, another year closer to becoming a real life Mandy. 

Instagram Link