jadethefirefox:

shigod:

Why didn’t I think of that asshole

when people try to tell you to get over your metal illness

captainsnoop:

My favorite nugget of humor to come out of the dark times we live in is let’s players reacting in shock and disbelief at Senator Armstrong saying “make America great again” in a game that came out in 2013. 

the connections get deeper when you remember that armstrong had been colluding with russia to make the world shit.

bace-jeleren:

magicalgirlmindcrank:

Oh I bet this is gonna be fun

This isn’t even a text from my own mom and my anxiety spiked

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doomy:

> 5:00 AM
> alarm goes off
> get out of my double-king sized bed
> walk downstairs and microwave 5 “HUNGRY MAN” masculine testosterone burgers
> blend up my favorite protein powder
> turn on Fox and laugh at how liberal it is
> 5:30 AM
> Oh shit I’m gonna be late
> Get in my lifted Trump style AMERICAN MADE truck that gets 0.5 mpg
> TakeThatEcoFucks.jpg
> Go to gas station and fill up with some Premium American Freedom Liquid
> Only $5 a gallon thanks to President Trump’s incredible dealmaking
> Decide to get back in the car and continue driving
> Huge Truck Nuts swinging wildly in the breeze, have to remind myself how manly masculine I am
> See some idiot racist BLM eco protestors blocking the highway
> Deploy the TRUMP PORTABLE WALL and run them over
> Feels good to exercise my 1st amendment right by silencing people I don’t like
> MFW stupid liberal media will probably just report on how I killed people instead of all the good stuff I do for the world
> Feeling low on protein
> Pour some milk powder directly into my mouth
> 6:01
> Finally arrive at work
> Boss is livid at me for being one minute late
> Had to give up unions years ago because they infringe on our freedom
> Boss tells me I can keep my job, but my healthcare plan is terminated
> It’s OK, I don’t want obummercare. Prostate cancer heals itself, right?
> Start my shift and plunge into the coal mines God Trump has fought to protect
> Elevator cable snaps midway and we plunge into a free fall
> It’s okay, thank God we don’t have regulations hurting coal companies
> happy to die for my company
> plunge to my death
> mfw

bloodsbane:

???????

are you suggesting that’s not? amazing worldbuilding??

I always thought it was one tom bodett that was just very fast

sodomymcscurvylegs:

When you’re going to the movies and you have to sneak all of your snacks in your asshole and your friend asks for a bottle of water: