fuckyeahretailrobin:

This happened ages ago, and I can’t think of for the life of me why I never submitted about this. Or maybe I did, I dunno. We were talking about the incident today at work, anyway, here we go.

Oh Lordy Lord, Eternal Dragon Shenron, Amaterasu, and the god of retail known as the Bi-weekly Paycheck, I need to get this off my chest smh. Why, oh God, why do extreme couponers exist? More importantly, why was I the only one who ever had to ring those cheapskates out? My store has this policy that if you buy a certain amount of items in an ad, you get a gift card. This encourages said couponers to go crazy and buy 60 bottles of Tide, get thirty dollars worth of gift cards for free, then only have to pay 60 cents after the coupon war is over (Which, by the way, THEY PUT ON SAID GIFT CARDS.)

That’s not the crazy part, though, oh no, it gets worse. So one day, our incredibly handsome and charming protagonist (me), is working his behind off on a 8 hour shift. Pretty standard day, until I see what looks like toilet paper Armageddon descend upon me. I tried so very hard to get off of my lane for a restroom break, but alas, I was not quick enough. After a quick word from my manager, and me shooting him a look that says ‘You owe me big time for this’, I begin my oscar-worthy performance of someone who actually doesn’t mind the amount of trouble this bullshit was causing.

As usual, I ‘remind’ her that that many coupons was unacceptable, but I would let it slide ‘just this once’ (a.k.a. The twentieth time.) Of course she never listens, girl must’ve called Archer from Fate Stay Night and had the man chant ‘Unlimited Coupon Works’ before she came to the register. But today, she has her demon spa-…I mean, lovely children with her. Now, I’m going to be very blunt when I say this; I hate children. I was indifferent beforehand, but after working retail, I can’t stand them. And no amount of Fire Emblem Awakening can change my mind. Anywho, the monsters are tearing up my lane, messing with the candy and toys that someone would eventually have to clean. (Not me, of course. My shift had ended 10 minutes ago at this point. Once this transaction was done, it was someone else’s problem.)

I notice something crawling around my legs, and it turns out the be the oldest (yes, oldest) kid. He’s yanking my earbuds out of my pocket, which where connected to my 3DS. Now, I have this thing about the things in my pockets, or anything of mine in general. If someone, and I don’t care who, touches my stuff without my permission, they’re catching a Chie Satonaka Galactic Punt with the force and ferocity of a Super Saiyan 3. But of course, since I’m on the clock, I have to settle for a ‘You can’t be back here, little buddy.’

After I send him back, he talks to his mom for a second, then she asks me what’s in my pocket. I tell her it’s my 3DS, which I carry with me to get wireless goodies while I’m on the clock. My store’s connected to the local Gamestop, so the streetpasses be jumping. I explain, then get back to the hell known as a couponer’s shopping cart. I notice she’s staring at me, so I ask what’s up.

“How much does that cost?”

“…How much does what cost?”

“The 3DS.” I tell her the model I had was about 150 since I got it used, but that we had the bigger XLs (That I eventually upgraded to, praise be to Birthday money) in our Electronics department for about 200.

“I want it.” I tell her I can’t exactly go and get her one, as I was in the middle of HER transaction.

“No, I want the one in your pocket.” I felt like someone had just hit me with a Thunder Wave attack.

“…Um, no?” I say as innocently, yet sarcastically, as possible.

“Why not? I have the money for it.” She says as she held out a gift card. I decided to ignore the detail that she just tried to buy MY property with a gift card, also known as ‘Money I will never see.’

“…Because this one’s already mine? I would be more than happy to sell you one from our Electronic’s department.” I tell her, eye twitching game on point.

“But my son wants that one.” She tells me, and then she made this face that said she would call my manager if I didn’t comply.

…Funny thing about my managers; they like to let us handle situations like this however we want, since we usually end up escorting unruly customers like that out, anyway. I shot a glance to my manager at the time, and he gave me a look that said ‘Do whatever, I already called security.’

“Okay, fine. 600 dollars please.” Oh, I wish my brain had a ‘Save image as’ function at that moment in time.

“WHAT?!? You just said it was 150!!”

“No, I said I GOT it for 150. I’m selling it for 600, oh, and the L button’s busted. You’ll have to get that fixed.” At this point, our other customers seemed to be enjoying the show, and I enjoyed giving them one.

“That’s not fair!”

“…And trying to buy my personal property with money I’m not going to get is fair, because…?”

“I’m calling your Manager!”

“And I’m calling Security, wanna see who gets here first?” This was the worst and best day all at the same time. On the one hand, I was late getting home and late getting ready to go out for the weekend. But on the other hand, I was getting the very rare opportunity to speak my mind to one of our rudest customers with no consequences whatsoever. 2 minutes later, she was being shown the door, and I was calculating how much overtime that little incident gave me.

And this, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, is how our store Blacklist started :3

…True story, by the way, I couldn’t make this up if I tried.