imhereformysciencefriends:

When people misinterpret the Bible it’s always “Gays are bad you have to forgive me even though I’m an asshole” like

Why does no one ever misinterpret the violent parts of the Bible

“That’s Arson”
“Yes”
“That’s illegal”
“If God could burn down all of Sodom I can roast this bitch’s ass”

“Fight me”
“You realize that would count as assaulting a police officer”
“Jesus said not to fear those who persecute you, fight me”
“Didn’t Jesus also say to pray for those who persecute you?”
“FIGHT ME MOTHERFUCKER”

“You’ve got to stop doing this”
“Genesis 9:7  Now be fruitful and multiply, and populate the earth”
“That does not mean have an orgy every Friday”
“Fuck you”

“That’s a mean prank!”
“Your point?”
“You can’t just let loose an entire box of spiders in the house of someone you don’t like!”
“Moses sent 10 plagues on assholes he didn’t like, and I’m not even killing anyone. Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Eye for an eye, and tooth for a motherfuckin’ tooth bitches”
“Didn’t Jesus say to turn the other cheek?”
“EYE FOR A MOTHERFUCKING EYE BITCH”

“You cannot win that fight”
“Yes I fucking can”
“There are like 20 of them, you can NOT win that fight”
“In Judges 7 they were 300 against 120,000 and they still fucking won I’m fucking doing this”
“You’re going to die.”

“IF SOLOMON HAD SEVEN HUNDRED WIVES SO CAN I”

Like there are so many ways to misinterpret the Bible. Why isn’t this one of them.