fruitcrocs:

one time my mum was on a really bad date so she texted me telling me to come up with an excuse to get her home so i called and said i had stomach pains and she came home but her date insisted on coming with her, turns out my acting was so good that he took us straight to hospital but im glad he did because it turns out i had overdosed on pomegranates and the acid was damaging my stomach

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