orangememesicle:

lizatonix:

darecrow:

shakespeaker:

nanyoky:

I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

If you don’t write this play I will.

Bonus points, everyone thinks benvolio and Romeo are banging

They’re cousins though…????

In Shakespeare, Cousin doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re related to that person. It’s sort of like a 16th century “bro”

Mercutio was a family friend of both the Capulets and Montagues. That’s why he was invited to the masquerade ball. Also, the only reason Juliet wanted to be with Romeo was to get out of an arranged marriage with Parris and Romeo was originally gonna be with her to win a bet and saw how hot she was. So it wasn’t really true love it was more like one part lust, to parts rebellion.