today-ifuckedup:

It was the day that my 18 year old sister, lets call her Emily because…well… thats her real name, was moving away to college. I somehow managed to convince my best friend, we’ll call him Klark because he hates when people spell his name with a K, to make the drive with us and help my family move all of Emily’s shit into her dorm. Btw, this was a southeast school and it was mid August, so temps around 100 and plenty of humidity. It takes us a few hours of hard work to get everything moved in, and then we helped her roommate move her stuff in too, adding another hour and a half of work. Finally we finish, and everyone is drenched in sweat and absolutely exhausted. Cue my fuck up.

Before moving, Emily had been unsure of how to sneak a few handles of vodka in with her stuff so that my very strict parents would not notice. I had the smartass idea of replacing half the water bottles in an 18 pack with vodka. Boom, easy solution. We would put that pack of bottles out of the way in her dorm room and leave another out for people helping with the move to drink. Somehow, my mom had managed to pull out the vodka loaded pack from underneath Emily’s bed. I’m not sure where Emily was at this point, but she wasn’t in the room. It was my parents, younger sister (15yo), Klark, Emily’s roommate and 12yo sister, and the roommate’s parents.

All I could do was watch as my mom started handing out random ‘water’ bottles to everyone in the room. She had effectively started a high stakes game of vodka-roulette with a 12 year old involved. First she handed one to my father and little sister. Keep in mind everyone is thirsty AF so people are taking massive chugs of these bottles. No reaction from their faces–phew, water. Next up, roommate and her parents. MASSIVE chugs…no reaction–phew, water. Next, 12yo roommate’s sister….I could hardly watch. She took a sip big enough to fuck up a 12yo (so a medium one)… no reaction–phew water. Last up, Klarksicle. He took about a third of the bottle in one huge swig and then made a face that looked like a mix of being hit by a train and moose-kicked in the balls. After gagging and drinking it discretely, he stormed out, not a happy camper, but an intoxicated one.

He still gives me shit for this all the time, but I figure it could have been a 12 year old girl, which would have made for an awkward first time meeting that family. Plus I still think it’s one of the funniest situations I’ve encountered. Win-win.

TL;DR: Almost indirectly introduced a 12 yo girl to alcohol, aristocrat vodka style.

by jlm4cz