adurot:

queerpunkhamlet:

remylebean:

queerpunkhamlet:

queerpunkhamlet:

highlights from my three years working at panera

• customer pooping on the floor
• pulling a stag beetle out of an old woman’s hair
  
• two employees started dating and had a blow-out fight in the parking lot before work at least once a week
  
• employee cutting her finger practically off because she jammed her arm in the bagel slicer
• catering coordinator fucking the GM in the basement
  
• man claiming he didn’t have a panera card because a friend stole all his rewards cards while he was in a coma for a year
• the turkish opera singer who worked in the kitchen for a summer
• disheveled man offering “voodoo therapy” in the dining room to guests as they walk in
• tiny dominican lesbian stole the girlfriends of two different male employees

#please be real

its real all right & there’s more where that came from

Please tell us more

• the woman who pooped on the floor got banned, but not for pooping on the floor
  
• there is a man who comes in once a week, buys a sandwich to go, and eats it in the men’s bathroom. we know because he leaves toothpicks and the wrapper by the urinal
  
• a woman once demanded to know where she could buy an apartment in the area, i informed her that this was a panera and not a real estate office, and she interrupted me to specify she was looking for an $1100 two bedroom
• we hired twins named franciel and franciela
• customer complained about the size of the small mac n cheese (it comes pre-portioned) and i told her she could upgrade it to a large for a few dollars, at which point she shook her mac n cheese in my face and screamed “i could shit more mac and cheese than this!”
• the GM got so upset that he threw a sandwich at the wall and it stuck there for a few minutes because of the sauce
• people act like “do you want bread, chips, or an apple for your side?” is the goddamn SATs
• no, you can’t get “bread chips”
• no, you can’t get “apple chips”
• no, you can’t get “apple bread”
• i hate you

How do you not have apple bread?!