this one time I split my forehead open

This one time a dark wizard tried to kill me when I was a infant but couldn’t

Stab

I tried to hold an angry cat

someone put an iron on my hand

My teammate tried to jump over me and cut the back of my neck open with his hockey skate.

I got a couple left over from chicken pox.

tried to climb a dead tree

as a child I came up behind a sleeping dog with a squeaky toy in my mouth

Twisted up in rusty metal chains.

Learned the hard way:

- Why you don’t pull a cat’s tail (I was two)
- The importance of shoring up roof structures
- Why you don’t use a poorly balanced cinderblock as a support when drilling
- Burny things are hot
- Rotted fence palings make a surprisingly effective flail when they snap in half back along your inner arm as you pull them down.
- Win the fight before your opponent has the chance to hit you in the face with a metal chair

Spider bite that got infected. Doctor informed me, “Oh, it must have bitten you while you were asleep!” and I stayed awake the entire next night in paralytic terror and also pain.

Poorly planned re enactment of 101 Dalmatians.

i was 2 and my mom told me not to do something but i did it anyway

I slipped and cut my arm open

I tried to peel an orange with a swiss army knife…

I ran to tell my mother about Doug’s First Movie..then subsequently ran towards a glass table with sharp edges

My sister threw her cat at me

A crack head ducked under my SWAT shield and stabbed me.