undertale-science:

Toriel, I’ve seen the nose nuzzling champions trophy, flirted with you twice, gone through your sock drawer and stared at it, learned about King fluffybuns, taught a married dog couple how to pet each other after they kissed in front of me while trying to kill me, I’ve flirted and dated with a skeleton, a fish, a lizard, and even hit on a freaking airplane and complimented its aerodynamic parts and undercarriage and landing gear. I’ve talked to a drunken lonely bunny in a bar about hot guys. I got a royal guard to take off his chest armor, then played on his pecs like bongos until his partner confessed his love for him. I hit on a fabulous robot that was actually a ghost, which happened to be the cousin of the ghost I flirted with back in the ruins. I went over to their house and laid with them until I saw stars. I read the special manga Alphys keeps in her room. I sexily wiggled with a gelatinous blob until I nearly died. Sans accused me of liking hot animals. I paid a French girl spider all my money until she offered to tie me up and have her pet eat me whenever I wanted. I set up a date between a female alligator, a female cat, and a male cat thing that smoked a blunt. I tried for half an hour to tried to get Mettaton to sign the female cats butt and found adult drawings of just that when I tried researching if it was possible. I watched video tapes of you and Asgore and found out you were pregnant. I roleplayed with a lizard and pretended to be kissing her until she screamed out her lust for a fish.

I think I can handle seeing the lesbian piranha and nerdy horned-toad lizard french kiss each other, goat mom.

(Toriel faints)